"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

White Rabbit · ~*Service Worker*~

Gossip

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

Hmmm...I will leave this to those in program with more time. However, I wanted to say, I am curious what the answer is...

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

I think your sponsor has wise words...

Now if the gossip was directly about you, that might be another story....

Sounds to me like this isn't really of your concern, per se, and saying something to your friend about it, would be most likely taken as trying to 'control her'

Tom

White Rabbit · ~*Service Worker*~

Okay ... thanks, Tom. I think you're right. I could not think of any way to approach my friend that wouldn't end badly.

I think that in the back of my mind, the problem is that now I wonder if they're gossiping about ME. If they're gossiping about other people, why would I be special enough not to be talked about? BUT ... as your signature says, what they think of me is none of my business. Plus, this whole train of thought is projection - I'm not aware that I've ever been gossiped about.

I'm grateful for this board. I may not have all the answers about stuff that comes up, but I have learned that when I'm conflicted it's much better to come here and run it by you guys before I do anything.

RLC · ~*Service Worker*~

I agree with Tom. Your sponsor's words of wisdom apply not only this situation but in all our affairs. Principles above personalities.

RLC

-- Edited by RLC on Wednesday 10th of August 2011 04:08:24 PM

-- Edited by RLC on Sunday 4th of September 2011 02:57:10 PM

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Wabbit...after a while when the program expands I learn more metaphors which I can use as tools such as "Gossip is SMALL talk" and another is the metaphor of "three fingers pointing back at me" and yet another is the "idea of what another person is saying about you is none of your business (or theirs for that matter)" If I find myself in the midst of gossip I turn away and let my body language do the talking. If I feel like saying something I might say "program has taught me that not gossiping is growth" but mostly I turn away and let HP take care of it without notifying or asking me "how do you want me to handle this?" A highly respected recovering AA woman in my town has deeply planted the philosophy for responsibility in my spirit with, "My only problem is me and my only solution is God". Simple and true.

You sound like you're winning your battle with gossip...how cool!! Thanks for the thread. (((((hugs))))) smile

PS...last gossip item I heard was from a buncha AA guys about me. No lack of imagination and therefore not only not true but soooo laughable. At least they weren't drinking; only gossiping so that was some positive change huh?

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

WR,

I do the same thing that Jerry does regarding gossip, I physically turn around or walk away. When I was new to recovery the best thing I could do was to not spread gossip. Now, I am not willing to listen to it. I just dont feel confortable participating in the process. One of the last lines in the closing of our face to face meetings is this:

"Talk to each other, reason things out with someone else, but let there be no gossip or criticism of one another. Instead, let the love, understanding, and peace of the program grow in you one day at a time"

xoxo

tommye

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Working in the school district they seem to almost all gossip, tell dirty jokes. My feeling is if I am standing there, and I walk away that is a message.

If someone ever asked, I would say I am not into gossip or dirty jokes. simple

I do have this thing, I am owning it too. If something is sounding bad or I see something like real close to me that is not appropriate, I simple say,"not cool." I mean like when someone does not hold the door for handicapped kids, or runs into someone and does not apologise etc.

If I heard someone gossiping, same thing if I was right there. Especially if it was something about someone I know and love.

I do have a friend who has been that since we were 13. She gossips. It would not bug me at all to say, m***L** what do you get out of talking about others? I never knew what was going on nor did I want to.

good for you! Now I like ya even more! love,debilyn

flopadopilus · ~*Service Worker*~

I liked reading this today and needed the ESH myself. Thanks to all you wise folks on MIP!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"