I hate facebook .. - Al-Anon Family Group

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

I hate facebook ..

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

Awww sweetie... I hate facebook too, yet there I am on it, checking out status updates and such. The reason I have it is to keep in touch with my cousin's who live in Oklahoma (I am far away from them). I get to see their kids grow up on facebook and they get to see mine. I got to see Monday when my cousin had her baby, the instant photos uploaded there... my grandmother is on facebook too! Its nice because she can now see her great grandchildren and grandchildren every day if she wishes even though they are far away. My 14 year old is on facebook. I can see him when he is out visiting his dad in Ohio. I can "talk" to him there every day while he is away.
That said I hate it too. :P Keep coming, and good luck on that sponsor search. You can ask someone to just temporarily sponsor you too, that may help. Even just to have someone to call... I know the phone is heavy, but once you have called, you will feel lifted...and light :)

clep · Senior Member

My A used to be on it and when he was, his disfunction was transparent. He did much the same as your A. He left three times and each time he left, he activated his account again. When he returns he deactivates it. Much of his deciet was exposed via how he chose to use facebook.

My perceptions tell me that facebook is not the issue. The person using it is the issue. I hear often that people hate facebook and to me it is like hating a chair or a web browser. They don't have a life of their own. :)

I hate the disease that my A exposes through facebook but I enjoy using facebook. I love being able to share parts of myself like pictures etc to my friends at the same time. I love providing a peek at parts of my life in an instant for others.

My sponsor provides me with understanding and wisdom that I cannot get anywhere else. Yes, a sponsor is so valuable.

It will make all the difference to you.

oldgraduate · Senior Member

I hate Facebook too. I think it has led to lots of problems between people. My AH used it to get back in touch with people from HS that he had not seen in 35 years and then blocked me because he didn't like my music interests and posts about them. I caught him IM'ing a girl from HS and then she called him when she was having family issues. Turned out she was pretty psycho. It also led to months of him and his guy friends getting together to do nothing but drink. then the girls started showing up. I don't think he was messing around but he was having his ego stroked and I put my foot down and said no more, or I'm gone. He now is friends with our daughter but not me. I have read that FB is now being listed as a factor in many divorces. I can see why. Those people out there only see one side of a person and who can't be friends when only the good side is showing?

McHurting · Member

I too have a love/hate relationship with facehonk. It's a breeding groud for tit-for-tat childish B.S. and hurt feelings; It's what almost cost me my friendship with my soul sister (RA). Enough is enough when you've had enough.

White Rabbit · ~*Service Worker*~

Ugh. I understand this so much. Many of my close friends have had issues with spouses and facebook. I feel fortunate that my AH hates facebook/myspace and only checks his email because he has to for work. We've had issues with computer stuff in the past, and it's really hard to let it go. I have had to remind myself many times that today is today ... no need to feel hurt today because of junk that happened in the past. When I let myself feel hurt again and again by someone else's past behavior, that's ME hurting myself.

:) Summer

MrsHennepope · Veteran Member

I too love/hate Facebook! If it's used positively with discrection it can be a wonderful way to keep in touch but some people seriously have no shame!! I'm so glad my AH doesn't use the computer at all,actually he calls it MY addicition,which couldn't be farther from the truth but it's a way for him to justify drinking,"You're always on the computer,so what's the difference if I have a beer".His brother is a drug addict and we watched him slowly go over the edge on Facebook,very sad :(

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

Reading through the posts..Facebook seems to be getting a lot of blame for what people choose to do on it....just sayin :)

Aloha · ~*Service Worker*~

I agree, Christy. :)

It's like that whole guns argument. Guns don't kill people - PEOPLE kill people.

That said, when I divorced my exAH, we were friends on Facebook, but after a while I had to remove him from my friends list because I was just sick and tired of reading his alcoholic rants. He also had an ex girlfriend on there whom he certainly didn't discourage from badmouthing me. (I blocked her, too, so I wouldn't have to continue to see her jabs.). It really did me no good to see all his ill behavior.

Facebook is a pretty darn friendly place for me to be now that I pruned the A out of my friends list and I no longer have to see his garbage.

John · ~*Service Worker*~

I have been the idiot on facebook and seen many idiots on facebook, I have seen it hurt relationships and I have seen it help relationships....

I too have a love/hate relationship with facebook... and these days, it has a lot of hurt attached to it... so, on days like today, I will not spend much time on it, I will spend more time here.

John

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Well, said John and that's exactly what I chose to do yesterday. :)

flopadopilus · ~*Service Worker*~

I have removed myself from seeing people's status messages that would regularly bother me and so now I only see status messages that I want to see. I can always go looking for it, but rarely do since I don't like to be upset. Facebook can be fun and connect those from long distances, but I am aware it is people using it.

robind78 · Member

I chose to delete my Facebook account because I hated seeing all the posts from my adult daughter talking about partying, drinking, raging, and also her boyfriend having a picture of my daughter in her bra. I was crazy and wrote to her about her postings and that picture. She wrote me back saying she was an adult and I should respect her for the person she was, not the Facebook persona she exhibited. It was then that I realized that I was obsessed with her life, and was trying to manipulate her decisions. As a teenager, she became addicted to Crack and Meth, got raped at 12, ended up in jail, went to acute care several times, ran away, and finally came home. She ended up in residential treatment for 30 days, got clean and stayed that way until she got a DUI at 18 and then again at 22. She is living with an ABF and is drinking more herself now. I have been to six Al-Anon meetings and have been doing a lot of reading, and praying to my HP. I am trying to work on myself and detach with love. I am not there yet. I really have a lot of anger about her ABF and really don't know how to talk to her. When I do, it is very superficial. I have realized in the past that when we talked, I always tried to get her to change to the way I thought she should be. She is really struggling financially, looks very unhealthy, stressed, etc. I have to keep telling myself that this is her life, not mine. I have definitely been a caretaker and find it very difficult to disengage. I go to f2f meetings every week. I act the part but don't feel like it's really me yet. However, I keep coming back and hopefully eventually, I will become a true person and not an actor.

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