The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, I am having a really good opportunity to practice all my alanon lessons. Tonight, I have asked my roommate to move out. We are friends, and that has made it especially hard for me. As I have started to seriously work through my recovery from these issues of alcoholism, addiction, and dysfunctional relationships, I have had lots of lights go on for me about things that support my growth and things that keep me down. I've realized that some of the relationships I have may need some adjusting. I realized that I've been unhappy in my rental situation with a roommate. I also see troubling signs of problem drinking in her that are too much for me to live with. I feel it's not good for me, that I give much more than I get, that I feel resentful and unappreciated and taken advantage of. These are boundary issues for s sure, and I have struggled but realized that its just not going to work. I haven't found that she will communicate openly and respectfully with me to resolve conflicts. Without open communication and respect, we can't get anywhere. And I know this is also the time to wonder what kind of friendship is this...
So, I had scheduled a time to talk with her tonight.she went to do something else. I decided to just write it down in a letter instead, and in some ways I feel better about that. I was able to be calm and lay out exactly how I'm feeling and what I want without leaving something out. I tried to be direct and calm and positive and firm, not critical or spiteful, and I think I did good. I hope she doesn't get really mad or hurtful back at me, but I'm prepared to accept whatever reaction she has, im just done living together and am so proud I finally had the nerve and the skills to communicate what I need, and I think this is an important step to take care of myself. Its been a real struggle for me!
So, thanks for letting me share! If you have any esh to offer, that would be great. We will se how it goes tomortow once she's had a chance to think about things.
Boundaries can be really tough with friends. I have had to set two boundaries with close friends and essentially the friendship was over. The most important thing here is that you are making a choice that is in your best interest. Let us know how it turns out.
Sounds a lot like what I am going through with my business partner. Maybe a hand written letter to her would be good, because I usually have a very hard time getting all the words out that I need to say and then she takes over the conversation before I have a chance to finish what I was saying. And then I give in to her because of my old coping skills... I hope that your situation works out great and I hope you had an ok reaction from her. I too have lost a few close friends over the years because I realized the relationship was unhealthy.... Take care of you :) HUGS!
__________________
-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
It's too bad she skipped the scheduled talk, but your writing a letter may be just as good. I imagine it IS difficult, but you are doing what is right for you. I hope she is able to accept the situation but it sounds as if you are ready to deal with whatever way she reacts. Perhaps you can remain friends when you are both not in such close, everyday contact. Good luck, I hope it all goes well. Keep us posted.
