The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I always felt that my loved one's drinking was a terrible reflection on me, and I worried about what people thought. One day he told me he wanted to get sober. I was eladted for a day until his next binge. Then I was devestated.
Some moths later, my loved one finally did go to AA. Two days later, the drinking began again.
The most important thing I've learned in Alanon since then is that my well-being cannot depend upon whether or not the alcoholic drinks. His behavior is not a reflection of me, it's a reflection of his disease. However, my behavior is a reflection of me, and I owe it to myself to pay attention to what is has to tell me. I have to take care of myself. I have to accept that alcoholism is a disease which can be arrested but not cured.. Many alcoholics make a number of attempts at sobriety before actually getting sober; others never do. My life is too important to waste waiting for someone else's choices, even when it's someone I dearly love.
Today's reminder
No matter whether the alcoholic in my life is drunk or sober, the time to put energy into my own recovery is right now.
"Alanon helped me to focus my attention on what I could do about my situation, instead of concentrating all my attention on what I thought the alcoholic should do. I was the one who had to take a stand." ... In All Our Affairs
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I want to say thank you to you all, because tonight I ran the meeting it was amazing. I actually picked the topic detachment because it seems to be a universal thing in my life right now. I got to share some of what I've learned from you all which was the QTIP. I loved this passage that was read tonight and I wished I had been the one to read it .. lol.
This really spoke to me at the meeting though in regards to what it means to detach and not to be obsessed with what someone else was or wasn't doing, what I thought they should or shouldn't be doing. How I needed to put the focus back up on myself and my A is not the only one who has had unhealthy behavior.
A lovely person shared that they didn't realize they were controlling until they asked their kid about it and the child reminded them 20 min prior they were told how much milk to pour on a bowl of cereal. WOW .. can I relate to that statement of what we do to our kids. It's funny what we can't see about ourselves though and our own behavior and how it affects a whole house hold and why it is soooo important to detach and allow people to be who they are. The healing begins with us. The benefits of healing ourselves it's so amazing what can happen when we start on our journey to heal.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I am sitting here in gratitude.... sharing your gratitude for this "We" program! It's a great way to start my day!
My gift of healing comes from a Higher power, I had hit a rock bottom, I was powerless, I showed up on my knees in total defeat and complete surrender and then I admitted, "okay, my way isn't working." When I became honest, open-minded and willing to just sit and listen.... the healing began.
Someone once shared this at a meeting.... "Higher power saved us for a reason."
Doesn't that just make you wanna do a happy dance?!!!!
__________________
The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Pushka, one of my favorite mottos here is "let it begin with me" Truly, your post spoke to me so much today. And I need to remember to be in the moment... and not try to control every one's day while I am at work... I do that a lot and I think your post today reminded me that no one tells me what to do while they are at work, or school or whatever. And how mad I get when someone is trying to tell me what to do. Why would I think that me telling others what they need to do during the day feels good to them? Like the person at your meeting I have caught myself STILL trying to tell my kids how much to pour, what they should do next etc. Same goes for my fiance. He knows what needs to get done around the house. There is something in Getting Them SOber that said when we feel in our whole bodies that they will do something (ie. pay a bill or do the cat box) and don't talk about it, just know it will get done, it gets done. When we sit around saying to ourselves, he won't do it, I will have to call him and nag him to do it, thats when they get an attitude and don't want to do stuff...huh. Great post Pushka. Thanks so much for this great awareness and reminder! Tonight is my meeting, CAN'T WAIT!
__________________
-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
Good for you for chairing the meeting on detachment. I liked what you shared about the kid who said his mom was telling them how much milk to pour in their cereal. I myself was having my seven year old practice cutting brussel sprouts in half with a somewhat sharp knife. He said, mom do I have to do this perfectly? I said no, this is your first time, we are going to pratice for awhile. I don't want perfection, I want you to keep your fingers. Some didnt turn out that well, but the magic is learning the basic lesson, working with knives and keeping his body safe.
I know without the tools I have learned in the program, I would have taken the knives away frustrated just like my mother did which teaches nothing. We had a fun experience yesterday and I want to continue to guide him in the kitchen so someday he can do it on his own.
I just had a v-8 moment and have a palm print on my forehead .. lol .. apparently I didn't realize how much I needed this .. thanks folks :) Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
