The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
hi everyone, I have not posted in a LONG time probably yrs. However I read allot and can related to it ALL.
my story, we would have been married 23 yrs this month. The ups and downs of living just got to be to much for me, the boys are grown and gone and it was just him and I, and every night with beer and other stuff.
During our years of marriage I attended yrs of al-anon meetings which taught me to take care of me. Well finally I am. We had been separated 3 different times during our marriage and the last time it lasted 2.5 yrs. He was having an affair at that time also. I was still in love with him and the affair was over (or so I thought). After that long separation we got back together I used all my al-anon tools and it was ok, we never fight, but he could never make any commitment like going to movies, out to eat, he just wanted to stay home and drink. I tried i really did, to make it work using the al-anon tools - and what I learned was that I couldn't control it, I did cause it and he was in so much denial that it would probably never stop, so I asked him to move out and he did and 2 weeks later I file for divorce for the 3rd and last time. I think there will always be a part of me that loves him - lots of years and kids together we have a past a history that will never be forgotten. He told me that the woman started calling him again - I guess because he told me he felt it was ok, I realized that this will never stop just like the drinking and drugs - it will never stop. I made the decision I just couldn't live with it any longer. now that he is gone I feel at peace. I know that I did give it one last chance and that lasted for a couple years but now it's just done.
I am posting this to tell let you know you don't have to put up with it, but if you say you are going to leave then do so. Say what you mean but don't be mean when you say it. I don't feel at all that my years with him were wasted, but when the bad times started to out weigh the good then it needed to be done.
I have lots of stories - don't we all.
anyhow that's my story - I just got a text from him that he miss's me and that he thought about me all day. I don't reply at all, I just ask him to pls go to the lawyer and sign the papers.
I feel your pain, I see your strength, you worked your program and you are a testament of what the program is all about.....Always taking care of yourself first.
Thank you for your share and ESH. I hope you will keep coming back and sharing.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Powerful stuff! SO many of us living out various scenarios of the disease. i'm really grateful that you took the time to share your courage.
I appreciate that the program allows us to make big decisions in our own time an to trust that it is the right time. My sponsor had asked me to wait until I've worked the steps at least once before I make decisions for myself. At first I resisted but now I get why she encouraged me to do that. If we have kids with our AH we'll always be in relationship. We need as much program under our belts as possible for our own recover to result in the decisions that are right for us.
Thank you so much and hope to read continued sharings.
