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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> WHY!
Post Info TOPIC: WHY!
plsellars


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WHY!
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Today is my Daughters10th Birthday and I can not call her or see her. It seems my Wife Therapist believes it best for me to have contact with her when my wife returns for Rehab in Florida at the Florida House. This has been the toughest, most challanging, and most heart ripping experience of my entire life. I have become closer to God as a new Christian and I have put all my problems in his hands. I just want my wife to see the change everyone else is seeing. I dont sleep or eat much since she has been gone, i have surrounded myself with literature and I am trying to learn howmy codepent behavior needs to be calmed and stop. I am just so confused, it seems the more I do and the more I improve the further away my wife and therapist push me away.

no



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Lee
Otie


Senior Member

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Posts: 381
Date:
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Dear plsellars, I can see that you are having some very painful feelings.   I feel for you and would like to respond, but I confess that your post has left me a little confused as to the situation.

If you wish, can you please clarify it a bit more?

Thanks.

Otie



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Pushka


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3870
Date:
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Hugs and welcome plsellars,

I agree with Otie, your pain is very apparent. It's hard to respond without more information.

Hugs and you are welcome to share if you wish to,

P :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3653
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Is there a reason you don't have your daughter?

Was there no visitation set up?

Are you court ordered to stay away?

Does this therapist have custody?

Does your wife have custody and who is legally responsible for child?

This might help us help you.

very sincerely,debilyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
plsellars


Member

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Posts: 7
Date:
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Otie,

My wife has been in an in house rehabilation program for over 55 days. Since she has been gone I have had a knee replacement and now back to work. At first with e surgery and taking care of our 10 year old daughter my mind was occupied and missing her and thinking about the past and the way are life was ,didnt not weigh on my mind as bad as it does now. Then my Daughter went to stay with he Grandmother per the request of my Wife and the feeling of loss grew even stronger as if my life was being torn away right frm under my feet. My axiety my had gotten the best of and I would call my Daughter every day around 10am and it seemed like she wwas waiting for my call for she had always been the one to answer the phone. Keep in mind I have only spoke to my wife 4 or  5 times this entire time and only once without her Therapist on speaker phone. One day I called and her sister answer and let me have it, she blamed me for the addiction , called me maliputive and alot of very mean and hurtful things. Then not long after that call, I recieved a call from my Wife and Therpist a withte Thrapist in her ear she said she didnt want me to have contact with her family or my Daughter until she returned! This was followed up with her stating she did not know if she wanted to be married any more yet ended the call with an sicere " I LOVE YOU". I have been totaly shut out from hat is going on and should be working on getting myself well and I have. But thoughtsof her are alway weighing heavy on my Heart and Mind. I liss them bot sovery MUCH



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Lee
plsellars


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Posts: 7
Date:
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I hve been ino Daugter life since sh was 2 and I am the nly Father she knows. I am her leagal gardianon paper with the school, but we never saw this coming so we never made it leagal. I miss her so much and my days seem so long without them bot in my life. My fait has become stronger ad my trust in God growsevery waking moment. 



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Lee
Otie


Senior Member

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Posts: 381
Date:
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Dear psellars, I can now understand more why you are feeling so much grief. 

In situations that are so emotionally charged, I have found that backing off and biding my time worked the best---at least it doesn't stir a pot that you have no control over right now.

Next, I say RUN---don't walk, to the closest Alanon meeting---you need the support badly.  Keep posting here, please---many have been in your position.

Her family's reaction is not as uncommon as you might think at this point.  Grieving is normal, but don't get lost in despair.  Cry as much as you need, and use this time constructively with the suggested readings on this board.

This, too, shall pass.

In support, Otie



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plsellars


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 7
Date:
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Oti, You are too right, just last night I had to RUN to a meeting. It was a new group to me, but yet it amazed me the same support. I appreciate all your and the members of Al Anon's support. Being a son of a mentally and physically abusive father, I wish I had found this program a long long time ago. But through this group and my Bible God did not have that is his card for me and I have accepted that. I know God has his hand on me and I know he has something very important planed for me, I just must wait. It was funny I called to pay one of the MANY bills my wife had let go without paying and the Lady on the other end of the phone winded up Praying for me and my Wife and actually cried with me. She told me she had a large family and she would call back home to the Phillipeans and have us on the family prayer list as well. Now that is God my higher power putting in some overtime for me and WoW my heart was so full. Thanks again and today I will be starting my journal, so to never forget how much our God truly LOVE us ALL.

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Lee
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