Why am I still here??? - Al-Anon Family Group

Sincerely · Senior Member

Why am I still here???

Lindaoakford · ~*Service Worker*~

Hearin' ya
Wish I could help more but I am pretty new to this.
At this point I would say.. ... the hot stove doesn't have the 'good' times.
The hot stove has never looked into your eyes and told you that s/he loves you
NOt touching a hot stove is logic and there aint nothing logical bout our lives at times.

I am stuck on how much acceptance is positive, and how much is me being a doormat so I can't help with your question about healthy choices.
I know for me at this stage, yes I am sick.
AT the moment I am liking the saying... this too shall pass... it calms me down.
I can only suggest that you stay because it is the right choice for you at this time in your life. Doesn't mean that can't change when its no longer the right choice.

Sorry I can't help, maybe a more experienced person will offer more pragmatic assistance

Otie · Senior Member

Dear Sincerely, Have you done much reading or learning about co-dependency?

I would say to learn as much as you can about co-dependency issues and see if the answers reveal themselves. The reason I say this is because you said "I want to leave but I can't" and "I need to leave but I can't"

At any rate, it certainly won't hurt, and it might turn out to be the Mother Load.

In support, Otie wink

White Rabbit · ~*Service Worker*~

Took me 3 years to leave after the point that I knew that's what I wanted. It took a long time because I didn't have a program. I was overwhelmed with guilt because I thought so many things were my job, and that he wouldn't be okay if I left. Actually, I was never able to leave ... i just became a big enough pain in the but that he left me. So I got what I wanted and didn't have to be the bad guy.

I didn't leave because I was addicted to him. He was addicted to alcohol, and I was addicted to him. I didn't WANT to be there, and I knew it wasn't good for me, but I stayed anyway.

This program has helped me recognize and deal with my own addiction.

sookie · Senior Member

Hi Sincerely,

I ask myself this all the time...and it has made me look back at ALL the past relationships I have had and I realized I always stayed way after I knew in my heart it was bad. I think I just wanted one person to stick it out with me or something. But I am realizing now that I just continue to suffer despite the fact that I have choices. Finding the courage to change is tough, otherwise every person on Earth would be happy I guess. For me, Co-Dependent No More made me see a lot about myself I maybe wasn't willing to admit until it was right infront of me. I can see my part in all this now and have pushed for huge, painful changes in my marriage to the alcoholic. I am scared, but it can't get much worse!

Awareness is half the battle and I have just been trying to say to myself over and over that I DESERVE BETTER. Happiness and peace are my birthright! Why can't I see I deserve those?

Best wishes--you are definitely not alone.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Tonya I have been thinking about you. I know when I was this mixed up I went to my regular doctor. He helped me to see if I was being rational or maybe I needed help with depression.

No one can answer but you what makes you stay.Myself when he treated me inappropiately or ignored me I did not cook or do wash or anything for him.

It may be familiar for you to keep doing it, change is hard. you are avoiding a fight, you are avoiding making a change your self love is being ignored...there are many more reasons what might be the problem.

Instead of using Why I invite you to use what. What is making me cont. to do what I am doing?

hugs hon,debilyn

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

Sincerely,

For me what made the difference was to work the steps on the relationship with my alcoholic with a loving sponsor to guide me through. I dont think I would have been able to see my choices or recognize my behavior as having a part in the whole process. Today I make the choice, one day at a time to be married to the AH. I am so glad I stayed in the marriage and got into enough pain to be willing to ask for help in terms of sponsorship in order to have an honest look at my life.

When the pain of staying the same is greater than the fear of change it is there from where we grow and start with a new beginning.

xoxo,

Tommye

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

What Tommy said helped me and its what I am working on now... Take care of you!

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