The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
First off, so I can give something back, check my 'something for everyone' post if you haven't - it's REALLY worked for me!
I am awkwardly asking for support and kindness, as the next few months are looking very tough. If you need backstory read on [ otherwise skip! ;) ];
Things are coming down to the wire with my RA. He is not drinking but is simply not functioning as a human being - not with eating, sleeping, or relating. It has been 1.5 yrs of chaos with continuing promises of change. His work, adhd, and depression have taken up the entire world. I grew up around mentally ill family members [ ah-ha! Yeah, the pattern, sigh] and can smell when things aren't right from a mile off. Asking him for time together is always met with an excuse, or anger, or self pity. I am trying to be brave and keep asking, he is a big guy and yelling really scares me. To make things worse, he has completely isolated himself from his family and all of his friends. Of course, by his behavior he is isolating from me, too. However I am the only one who sees his sides and being the only person in a mentally ill person's life creates so much pressure.
If things do not change soon, our relationship will end. I am so demoralized I can't continue like this. I simply can't get through to him, last night I had a nightmare that I was beating my head against a wall. A breakup will blindside him and create tremendous stress as we live together and are enmeshed. He has nowhere to go and who knows about his stuff. I am currently trying to come up with a plan that would at least try to smooth that process out a little. I am afraid for him and afraid of what will happen if/when it comes down to this.
fyi I am 40, no kids, no prior marriage, no nieces/nephews. I fell head over heels for this RA, we were our own family, this was finally 'it'. Now I have found myself alone and trapped with a mentally ill man. I feel very foolish and also so very very sad. I don't see a decent way out of this.
Sorry for the pity party! I did want fyi the situation. I am going to meetings, reading, exercising, counsellng, etc..all that good stuff. I want to resolve this situation the best I can, but this feels like my worst nightmare. Sober or not, I'm sure this scenario is familiar to many of you, so thank you so much for understanding. I truly appreciate any kind thoughts, and am certainly sending prayers to you!
You don't need to give something to receive something .. LOL!! :) We all need a extra push or help to the next step. :)
You keep doing the best that you can, .. you will know what is right for you. Most of all just keep taking care of yourself and turning it over to your HP. You are not alone in this. :)
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Rara (((HUGS))) You can come here anytime and vent, ask questions, share whats working...whatever, we love to hear from others :) Are you going to meetings for you? I hope so. The place I began to feel a relief from the chaos is in meetings that were face to face. I got a sponsor there. When I started to work on me, I started to see my patterns and my addiction to chaos. When I work on me and do things for me now, the change can be felt in my home and around me. I am working on the steps and figuring out what the next right thing to do is. You are not alone, keep coming and keep reading alanon literature, codependent stuff and posting on this board! Meetings, meetings and more meetings for you too... HUGS!
__________________
-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
Oh yes I have been to a couple of meetings - haven't found the right one yet, but I will keep trying others. Everything's been helpful to some degree, thank goodness!
I can DO the right things, or of course try to do the right self care things, but coping with the stress level is quite the jedi mind trick. I know everyone can can relate to that!! ;)
You know something I wanted to point out and I don't know if it's true in your area, go back to the meetings that maybe didn't seem like a fit. The people in the meetings do change, not always the same ones there. I found a basics meeting and they review the steps and then there are the share meetings they are very different in the sense of the topic. How things are shared, every meeting is a tad different. The share meeting I struggled with a lot. It turns out I'm embarrassed to say it was me .. lol. I just kept going and now I love that meeting and the people in it.
I do find it takes at least 6 meetings in each group to see if it works for you or not. Keep going that's the most important thing. :)
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
