Major Slip - Al-Anon Family Group

flopadopilus · ~*Service Worker*~

Major Slip

surfingmaestro · Veteran Member

So you learned a lot from this experience and it sounds like you did the best you could. Now you have a plan for what will happen when another opportunity comes up with your exAH. Take it easy on yourself.

sookie · Senior Member

Thanks for sharing this. As I enter separation in my marriage (on my third day) I keep going over hopeful scenarios of sobriety for my AH and I know deep down I am kidding myself. Al-Anon is at least keeping me in reality some of the time. Night time is SO hard after my kids are asleep. You sound like you are being hard on yourself though and really all you did was try to have a good night with someone care about. It sounds like a great idea really. He chose to make it otherwise. You didn't cause that chaos for sure. Be gentle with yourself.

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

After a scenario much like this in my own relationship, a friend said to me, "At least he never gives you cause to regret the decision you made." (The decision to separate.)

It also sounds like a blessing that he wouldn't watch your three-year-old. After my AH endangered our two-year-old when he was supposed to be watching, I learned what asking an alcoholic to watch a child can be like.

You sound as if you have so much clarity about what happened. So sorry this was so hard. Hugs.

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs Floppy,

So sorry that it didn't go well. I hope you went and did something for you today or had an opportunity to relax a little. Be easy on yourself.

Hugs P :)

sookie · Senior Member

Mattie--I just had that exact thought. If he continues on this path, then there will be no regrets. I should look at my separation as a win-win scenario for me (although an deeply emotionally painful one).

Hugs to all you guys. So glad to be here.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((Flop)))))...Been there...done that...finally stopped doing it all together with full belief in what the program had been teaching me. "Insanity was doing the same things over and over expecting different results". In order to get over and past the alcoholism I had to get over and past her one day at a time. I can't tell you how many separations I had with the alcoholic wife; 5 or 6 and nothing changed because I didn't until I did.

Of course she continued to use, drink and abuse her life...that is what she did until she didn't want to anymore and got sober and by that time I had gotten over my addiction.

"Act as if" is a good slogan for me to hold me into trust and faith...act as if it hasn't changed and won't.

Hugs... smile

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Well hon you know me, I would not leave my dog with an A.

So you wanted to see him and watch a movie. It didn't go well you left came home and learned something from it.

You said it yourself, you needed to finally learn you cannot even just hang out with him.

I don't call this stuff slips. I don't get that at all! We learn the tools so we can use them!

You didn't clobber him or throw tea on him. You didn't bow down to him. I say good going. We learn when we do!!

You are now ready to believe it, you didn't before. I like that when I wanted to see my AH needed my AH then it hit me, your husband is not in that body anymore. And all my desire went away. It was an is like he is dead so there is absolutely NO chance with him at all. It freed me.

Hugs!! debilyn

RLC · ~*Service Worker*~

(((K)))

We all have slips. Slips come in all sizes......Large, small, or major, as you described yours.

The good thing about my slips....I have always learned from them.

The good thing about my program.....It allows me to start over everyday.....Yours does also.

HUGS,
RLC

-- Edited by RLC on Saturday 6th of August 2011 11:27:35 PM

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

You know Flop, it doesn't really sound like a slip to me, more like HP's reminding you why you don't want a life that revolves around the A's bs. The longer I am away from my ah the more clearly I see things and, the contact I DO have with him show me what I DON'T want to deal with for the rest of my life. Just my take - Happy Saturday Night!

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Flop,

Live and learn. I've done the same thing. Keep on keepin' on! You're doing well.

Take good care, Gail

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I think all of us have gone back for more punishment after the fact...whether it's with an alcoholic or not.

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

{{{{{{{{{Flop}}}}}}}}}}}

Progress not perfection right? You've got everything you need within you my dear friend. People, places and things are bound to fail us. They are temporary, fleeting things. Only the unabiding love from a higher power can fill that God shaped hole.

xoxo,

Tommye

flopadopilus · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you everyone for all the love and support!!! I am greatful that my HP has lead me here and I am doing the work and I am worth it. I feel stronger everyday since and guess I did need to remind myself why I chose a different path. I have handed him back over nad all is well. Thanks MIP again you guys are awesome!

flopadopilus · ~*Service Worker*~

Wow I had to come back and read this, some lessons are hard learned! I am staying strong and needed to be reminded again. I miss being called floppy, haha.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.