The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm charged up from what was to me, a great meeting! The topic was about "How does the program teach us how to share in meetings?" The readings were from One Day at a Time and an Alanon pamphlet about sponsorship. I'm just 7 months into the program but I've experienced awesome meetings and not so awesome meetings. Sometimes there is too much sharing of details, religious affiliations, mentions of outside literature, cross-talking etc. My experience at those meetings is that things feel too loose and unfocused.
I'm grateful that when I overshared in my first months that noone jumped on me. I can see how some leniency could be granted the newbie. I saw warm, compassionate faces all around listening to me. But, as I heard others share their experience, strength, and hope, I knew they were doing something different. I couldn't put my finger on it and I'm still learning, but I'm beginning to understand how to focus on solutions, not my problems using the steps, traditions and principals as my guidelines. Focusing on problems does not invite change.
We spoke tonite about ways of bringing sharing back on focus and on topic, in a kind way. This can be done by another member or the chairperson. I think if we know how to do this it empowers the group.
When I first walked in those rooms, I'm aware that I was trying to fit Alanon to my own personal program. I've been doing this my whole life. (I can hear my sponsor saying, "And how's that working for you?") My mind is often negative and disorganized and through the program I am learning how to conform myself to the Alanon 12-steps. Not the other way around!
I'm becoming aware of the damage I've done to myself by forcing my will and that this has effectively blocked my connection with my HP. (Or my will has eclipsed my concious awarness of the presence of my HP...oh how the alanoner brain analyzes...ouch!)
There were some people struggling against this topic tonite. A suggestion was made that it smacked of control to suggest what people can and shouldn't share.
Thank you for such a positive inspiring share. Focusing on the solutionn and using the steps, slogans and traditions to change our attitudes is what alanon is all about.
The format of each meeting is decided by the membership and SUGGESTING that the shares focus on the solution and not the problem is just that suggestion. If the businsee meting decides this is the format then that is great.
As you noted, as a new comer you could share and talk about the problem. If any memeber is in crisis being able to share that crisis is always possible
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I read your bio and my heart goes out to you. My AH may never choose AA but Alanon is making such a difference in my household regardless. I feel so strongly about the program for this reason because it is saving my sanity and allowing me to be a better mom while living with an active drinker. When I see meetings fall apart it effects me because you never know when someone new may not choose to stay. Anyway, thanks again!
Aloha GreenK...and thanks also for that perception. Yes the program is the the program and it is filled with people who have ideas and opinions just about everything and they have objections and defenses and still mostly it follows the principles because that is what the true membership chooses to do...follow the principles. We are not saints that is for sure and we are moving toward better spiritual solutions. I fought the program while at the same time watching and listening to others fight the program and the solution arrived that it was I who had to get into and on the principles as a part of my daily life in recovery. Wish I'da been there although I would have missed a great one here in Hilo which was on the 10th step. Great meeting. ((((hugs)))) Keep coming back.
Keep coming back.