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Dont know what to do my wife of 1 year and five years together.Most of this time I was out, after 12 years of not drinking but not working the program.I am a text book alcoholic co dependent trying to control everything.I now have 21 days and some peace and hope.She is very CD and has her other ways of acting out.I hurt her very bad not physical but just as bad.Any way she works 130 mi away a few days a week and stays with her parents when she does.She moved into my house when she moved here and has nowhere else to go. She has been staying with me and I have changed a lot.I love her very much but she is scared to let me back in.She is now withdrawing and desperate.Tonight she is just driving around and does not were to go.I feel so sorry for her but she wont do anything.I guess all I can do is pray and let her know I am here to support her.But I dont think that helps.I know where she is no hope as I was there and finally got help.
Welcome to MIP It sounds as if alanon face to face meetings would be exremely helpful to you and your spouse. Please check the white pages of the telephone directory and call Alanon Intergroup to find a meeting in your community.
You are powerless over anyone but yourself Attending meetings, breaking the isolation, leaning new tools to live by will help the entire family.
Aloha Johne...sounds like you gotta get back into the program right at the start of "We admitted we were powerless...." I kinda sorta wear the same shoes you do only have had them on a bit longer. I've done what your wife is doing right now also...lost in every sense of the word...mind, body, spirit and emotions. Don't think you're going to be the one to help her to snap out of it and then maybe having someone from Al-Anon come over to talk to her might help...kinda sorta like a 12step call. Those work. It's happened. I've done some. Ask her if she'd be open to it. Good luck and then turn it over. ((((hugs))))
I did text her to see if she found some were to stay and she said she did. hard to tell if it was the truth or not. Find myself not caring were or who she stayed with. My higher power has help me a lot and allowed me for now and last night to detach. But she is coming home tonight and that is when it gets harder. She has nowhere to go and it will take one maybe two months to save enough money for her to move if that is what she wants. I dont think I can deal with her when she is like this and wont do anything about it or even try . I am just 21 days sober and can only handle so much. Thanks everyone
You can bet your not the only one hanging on by a string , sobriety is hard for everyone , your changing and you have support from your AA friends and she has no one .when spouses get sober often the fear is that the A wont need the wife anymore so her insecurities kick in , it appears tho we pray for sobriety when it happens we dont know how to act or what to do.. be patient and try and remember that your not the only one going thru this . You said you hurt her badly , it takes time to forgive she needs time and alittle space .
-- Edited by abbyal on Friday 5th of August 2011 07:30:24 PM
Thanks for the replies I keep praying for guidance and wiliness to her Gods will not mine. She came home last night dont know where she has been she has turned into such a liar it is better not to ask. She has had her own issues before me Cutting, eating, sex additions issue. I did a good job of not saying anything last night and realizing that if I dethatch I dont have to go down with her, like she did with me. She has no regards for my feelings what so ever and it is hard to take sometimes. When she got home she informs me her mother who has hurt her very bad and probably the cause of her co-codependency is having some serious health problems. She told me it was proof that my God was not good and hated her. I just went out and got something to eat. When I got home she wanted to go to bed so I did and and held her. Dont know what else to do but wait. She and her 18 year old daughter have no where to go. I know she makes her lie for her so I dont ask her anything. When they came home I could tell she the daughter was glad to be here is is now safe and normal as it can be. Things have sure changed fast and I am the most stable person in her life by far now, poor kid. All know is I better stay close to my HP for guidance and pray for willingness to hear his will not mine. I left a copy al-alon mettings with mail but did not say a word about it. I have told her I cant make her happy all I can do is be here for her.
