The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have really been moved by so many of the stories here for months. I read MIP when I cannot get to face to face meetings. Usually at night when I am feeling down. I have been in Al-Anon since January when my husband checked himself into rehab.
Al-Anon has saved my life. The first time I applied the ideas/slogans during a real crisis and it GOT ME THROUGH w/o the usual rage and hysteria, well, I was amazed. It works when you work it...and I am starting to take better care of myself. My awareness has changed.
We are still in a rocky, dangerous place though--he has tried sobriety and relapsed almost monthly and it is brutally painful to watch him go through this over and over. I am nearing the end of my patience and I feel guilty about that, too...but I am ready (I think) to be happy and get away from the negative energy so I can really focus on myself (I need a LOT of work...I know that!) I am really at a turning point and we talked about him moving out. I don't even think he will come home tonight actually.
I am devestated but looking forward to something new, if I can get through the transition. I know it will be better. I have tried before and backed down because of fear. I just feel like we have tried so many things and we are not on the same page...it isn't working. I think he feels immense pressure from me, even though I don't do anything on purpose. I am both a crutch not to drink and an excuse to drink for him.
Anyway, it will unfold as it is supposed to. I love my F2F Al-Anon family and I am looking forward to actually communicating here, too. Thanks for listening.
Sounds like you are working the program and doing your best to walk through your fears and regain serenity. It is not easy but that's what it's all about.
Welcome Sookie, and you sound like you are right where you need to be..... Glad to see you posting here, and please keep coming back...
I like that sentiment - "I am devastated but looking forward to something new".... You're getting your "something new" by breaking the chain of dysfunction, and choosing a healthier path for yourself.... Hopefully your hubby finds his path to sobriety as well, but either way - you are way better off in choosing recovery for you.
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
This is a devestating disease no doubt about that. We do have meetings here twice a day if you need to get a meeting in between your f2f meetings and our chat room is open 24/7. Pls feel free to join us anytime. Don't be hard on yourself, no marathon going on here. Your program and progress will move along smoothly as long as you keep up with it. Hope to see more of you Blessings
Welcome here Sookie! I am so glad you found us! Keep coming, keep working it ;) When you go to meetings bring it back here and share with others what you learned there. That helps all of us so much! Take care of you :)
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
Glad you found us !