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my partner is drinking again after 9 months in rehab and a dry house. He has ran from me to his mums as i will not enable him anymore. He is being very cold its like when they become active again their emotional side dies. He is back to being selfish and uncaring when sober and attending aa he could be angrey etc but he had emotions and generally made amends. I have been upset a lot over past couple of days trying to detach all over again. He says he does not want to be with me he wants to live his own life I know this is the disease talking but I do not want to be with him either when the disease is present I can not take anymore but the fear is overwhelming the thought of life forever with out him. I know the best thing for me is to be single nd look after my kids, I suppose it is part of the grieving prosess and because he is not chasing me, apologising because he knows I will not put up with active alcoholism the disease wants him away from me. He has stopped Aa suppose its back to step one, two and three.
Tracy HUGS! I am glad you came on here and posted to us. You are not alone!! Take care of you... hugs! I am so sorry this is happening, but I have been told here "this too shall pass"....
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
Yes, Tracy I think it is fear (and grief). It is normal to fear change--to be outside of our comfort level. I have found that taking it a day at a time--an hour at a time, if necessary helps the most. Staying distracted as much as possible helps, also.
Alanon can help and staying close to your healthy support--wherever you can find it also heps.
Tracy, sorry I know the feeling you start to feel comfortable and gain a little trust and the rugs pulled out from underneath. Reading between the lines, it seems like the focus is on your partner and his sobriety. Maybe it's time to stop fearing life without your partner and accept that at least in this moment you are without him. He may want to live his own life, that might not be the disease talking, but what he really needs right now. Whether his path turns out to be self destructive or he turns towards recovery is all on him.
One aspect of the disease I am finding for me, is as long as I focus on the disease I am actually feeding it. I am definitely feeding my own sickness when I drop everything and decide how to fix my wife's problems, I have enough of my own. My wife may go back to drinking, she may stay sober and we still might go separate ways. The bottom line for me is I can be a happy and secure person with our without her. As soon as we give that up we give what we CAN CONTROL over to the disease.
I hope the above does not come accross as critical, I feel really sympathetic to your situation. It's always so much easier to take a rational perspective when you aren't directly involved emotionally.
the fear is overwhelming the thought of life forever with out him
Tracy - this is where our "One Day at a Time" comes in so handy and helpful...
You don't need to overwhelm yourself to the thought of life forever without him - that is projecting way too far into the future.... You just have to get by right now for one day.... or one hour.... or one minute - whatever it takes. Lean on your program and your knowledge right now.... You will have plenty of calmer, emotionally healthier times to spend time thinking about the future as it all unfolds....
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
