The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today I was feeling very down while at work. Feeling overwhelmed, and anxious. So, I called my AH, as we've had better interactions recently. I didn't really tell him that I was feeling badly (about myself), and just sort of checked in. When I realized that talking with him meant that I was going to end up taking on his emotions about his things, I excused myself from the conversation. This way I didn't end up putting my stuff on him either.
Is that progress?
I am still feeling badly, and trying to work through it. Probably trying a little too hard to figure out why I'm feeling this way. My feelings of inadequacy at work stem from a long history of feeling inadequate - I mean long as in since I was 2-3 years old. That sort of indicates to me that I picked it up somewhere - and, surprise! My mother had very serious issues with feeling unworthy. I've been facing this and trying to work through it for several years now. At times it feels debilitating - my only advantage is that I know it's there, and I force myself to move in some direction.
I don't want to carry it anymore. God, grant me the serenity...
Thanks.
K
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"The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself."
Something that has really helped me, is the book Co Dependent No More, M. Beattie. What you described about feelings, .. feelings don't define who we are and they are all ok. They are just energy that passes through you, you don't have to stay there. That is something I have learned again and really had the point driven home that my A doesn't define what my day will or won't be, how I feel about myself.
Yes, it's always progress and not perfection. Be gentle with yourself. We all do the best that we can, and that's the best we can do.
Hugs, P :) Keep up the good work :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I'm glad you are reaching out. I know my sense of self was such that I felt that others needed to define me because I couldn't. Overtime and this program, and especially having and working with a sponsor...I'm learned to define myself and support myself.
Get a sponsor if you can. Leaning on the ex A was all I knew how to do. Most of the time he was completely emotionally unavailable. Now and then he could be. That is not enough.
