The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The past two weeks have been Rough no lie, rough to the point that at one time I asked HP to just take me, anything to stop the pain. I believe when a person reaches a certain level of pain with no relief in site that they loose their will to fight in many instances and I did. I had to turn sooo much over to my HP that first night and He was there waiting with open arms to accept it and me.
The time since has been hard. I've been in the worst pain of my life and been anything but pleasant. I have though had the support of my mother, my constant in this life, my son and my recovery family (the only family I have that I know I can count on through life's uncertainties. My family of origin issues have not and will not improve...when I'm done with someone...I'm done. My only concern now is not allowing them to do any more emotional damage to my son, If I feel that continues I will have no choice but to severe those relationships also as I will no longer allow my son to be shunned and cast aside from family outtings etc, like he has been for 14 yrs. It's funny how I didn't even realize much of what was going on under my nose, until it was pointed out to me, now knowing, I can't in good conscience allow that to continue and am praying for the wisdom to make the right choices when the time comes. I dont readily give anyone a second chance to hurt me again,and no one gets the opportunity to hurt my son, but I'm very grateful to them for they helped me realize that family isn't always blood and that my alanon family are a God send in my life. So much support and time spent together really sharing and talking...I never imagined I could have so many new friends, really good people in my life.
What I thought was going to start out to be a horrible weekend (I had a sick son at home, a sick soon to be step son and my own health issues, worked out as always, like God wanted it to...Turns out that we all had a great weekend at home,I got soooo much time to work on and read my recovery books, and I went back to work today with a peace and clarity I haven't known in years. Nothing mattered, nothing needed rushed, my son even came in and worked the afternoon with me and REALLY helped me get caught up and I was so proud of his professionalism when it's needed. I worked over, came home late, made a great dinner, and then we all headed out for some exercise....we topped the evening off with a ride in the bed of the pick up truck under the stars on the way home....a perfect end to perfect day.
If I stop and slow down, I can feel God all around me, in little and big things in my life. He's there waiting patiently and listening, He's there speaking to me through your emails and your posts, through my sponsor and my f2f family.
I can't imagine a life without this program or without my HP by my side....I begged him to hold me up and has he ever! I am sooooo very blessed!
Thank you all for letting me share....it's good to feel good for a change: And it is always possible to feel better in this program simply by reaching out and sharing your ESH with someone else.
wishing you all peace and clarity, love and hope...
shellyj
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Just recently finished the book "When Man Listens". You're so right on Shel...You stopped fighting and talking and listened and then God talks. You're blessed and don't it feel so great?!! ((((hugs))))
