confused with therapy vs al-anon - Al-Anon Family Group

sameoldstuff · Member

confused with therapy vs al-anon

Very Very Tired · Senior Member

I am in both Al-Anon and therapy. I have been to two different therapists in the past two years now. I began with the first one when I was still in denial and thought the only problem was a few marriage issues. She never told me what to do, other than to say I needed to see an attorney to understand my rights when AH and I separated (we are back together now).

The new therapist I see specializes in addicts and co-dependents. I switched therapists because once I came out of denial I needed someone who specialized in addiction and co-dependency. He has never told me what to do, other than to say it was time for me to get an Al-Anon sponsor.

Both therapists and my sponsor have helped me think things through without telling me what I should do. My current therapist has suggested things that might help. And I am developing the confidence to tell him, "No, it isn't time for that." His response is "I respect that you know when it is the right time to do _________."

In my experience, I outgrew one therapist and knew it was time for someone else--not because the first therapist was bad or wrong, but rather because she guided me to a point where I discovered a specific issue I needed help with (my H's alcoholism and my co-dependence).

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Same Old...One thing I didn't do ...however it happened...was I didn't make my therapist my HP. I let go of him when it was a good decision and got back with him later on for a while. Therapists are human...some more so than others. They cannot fix anyone either and my past experience was that they needed to be in program also cause after all look what they try to do. My alcoholism counselor heartily frowned on the Al-Anon program..."big deal I responded...not his choice but mine and it was working for me." That therapist was handling and helping with stuff outside of program and getting paid to boot. If I pay I have a say...Yay!! lol.

Our's is a day to day program. I can handle only what happens right before me. I get to make choices and change decisions because I am responsible for those and the outcomes. I have the ability and opportunity to change and I will when the outcome appears to fit the consequences I am looking for. Seems to me you are working with trust growth. That is a big growth from where you came from and where most of have also. I learned to trust my alcoholic for what she could do and not what she couldn't and that kept balance and help me take care of my side of the street. She also had to learn how to trust me.

Good post...Keep on keeping on...by the way Great Sponsors don't charge. (((((hugs))))) smile

sameoldstuff · Member

Thanks for the quick response! I really think i have outgrown my therapist, because there have been lots of appts lately that i really didnt have much to say. I when things are going good w/my ah it is so nice! i know there will be lots of setbacks w/us both, but iam going to take it "one day at a time" and quit thinking what if, (like i always do, but trying to do better). i like "trust my ah for what he could do and not what he couldn't" i always did that! i am going to put that on a posted note! (ha) they help me stay on track. thanks again......this has really helped and yes it is free of charge!

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

OMG I am livid to read this!! That "quack" is there to support YOUR decisions and thoughts, or help you to know what you want. NO therapist is any good who tells another what to do!

rrrrr give me her address. lol

Ok kiddo we do not have to stay with someone we are not validated by. How dare she blackmail you like that. sorry its still buggen me.

Hon, if I were you I would stick to Al Anon. If you go and try with A then you do. If you are not ready to leave 100% you are not ready! If you feel you want to explore the possibilities can learn to use tools to help you stay healthy and be with him great!

Now this does not mean things won't go bonkers on you, but for me gleaning all the good times I could made me a much better person.I saw what I could do with my tools.

I wish my AH had not been so brain damaged. I treasure our last times together.

Myself would send that person a little note, so tiny, and bye! lol If she works in a group of therapists, I also would be writing to their board of directors or manager.I am serious.

She sounds like a 6 year old who says, I won't like you anymore if you are friends with Jimmie. gads.

lol You can always find another therapist too. In Oregon you do not have to have any training to be a therapist. Does she have any credentials. Crud dentials? you can tell I am very rrrrred by this lol

Soooo glad you are here! I am a firm believer a person is ready when they are ready to make certain decisions. for me that is the only way they stick and the only way I don't have regrets.

If people go back and forth to the AH or Aw or whoever, that just means they are not ready yet to let go. I can tell ya it sure hurt me less when I let go.

anyway I am so proud of you for coming here. hugs,debilyn

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Im sorry your having a rough time , your therepist in my opinion has stepped over the line ,no one has the right to tell you to not try reconsiliation with your husb .. your husb sounds as if he is trying hard to make things right with his family .there are no guarantees I know but if you both want the same things you have a chance - keep going to your meetings keep taking care of you and one day you will just know what the right thing is for you . Louise

Red Hawk · Veteran Member

In my opinion, a therapist is there to help with deeper issues. For example, someone who's being beaten by an alcoholic spouse - a therapist can help deal with some of the deeper, more complicated issues that can't be addressed in an Al-Anon meeting. But NO ONE has any right to tell anyone else what to do or how to live their lives!!!!! That REALLY infuriates me, too! But it sounds really promising that your hubby is trying so hard to turn his life around, and I wish you both all the best! smile

Red Hawk

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi and welcome here! Glad you made it. I hope you still go to face to face meetings and keep coming here. I currently live with my active alcoholic and because of alanon I am getting better. The book getting them sober has helped me so much. Keep coming. A therapist should never make you feel like that and alanon will help you feel better and live better. Take care of you!

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs,

It's just like anything there are people who are very good at their professions and people who are not so good. It sounds like it's time to move on and you've kind of come to that conclusion on your own. I don't have a sponsor at the moment and would love one however right now that hasn't happened. So I'm going to look into a therapist, the therapist I plan on seeing is amazing and also an addictions counselor who told me to go to alanon.

It just really depends on what your needs are and only you can determine at what point you are ready to move on from one to one therapy. :)

Hugs and good luck, P :)

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi,

Is your therapist fairly young? Sounds as though she might be lacking experience - hestitant to say - lacking professionalism. (Trying not to judge.)

I surprised that she gave you an ultimatium. I went to a psychologists for years and I know that he would not appear too happy over some of my decisions. However, his door was always open to me.

How does it feel to you that she said gave you that ultimatium? Your post reflects that you sense a red flag. If so, listen to you gut. What does it say?

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