when is my ah ha moment? - Al-Anon Family Group

Lyne · ~*Service Worker*~

when is my ah ha moment?

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs!
Have you gotten to an alanon meeting for you? That is when I got my ah ha moment. I had to go to meetings, come on here, read literature, read read and re-read Getting Them Sober and get a sponsor. Now I have one I can call her when I need to and she helps me and I help her, which is how this program works. Keep coming and keep posting, go to meetings, read, listen and share :) HUGS!

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs Lyne,

Everyone is so different and those a-ha moments don't just come one time they go over and over again. Meetings really do make a difference and going is oh so important. Personally, those are what has helped me along in those a-ha moments. Starting to see where I was the door mat and if I wanted things to be different I had to get up off the floor and stop being a doormat. Seeing my responsibility in my own role in our marriage. Knowing what my own triggers are for my own behavior, seeing the difference in the good and the bad moments. Until I started going to meetings and really started paying attention to myself that's what made those moments start to happen and they still do. Now they are headed into deeper region for me.

For me something that was key was the book Co Dependent No More, I could really see myself and the role I have played in the choices I made, once again until I did and do the work it doesn't matter because I am responsible for the changes I do or don't make. Whatever my A does or doesn't do is so not on me in any way shape or form. If he continues to drink that's on him, if he decides to work a program that's on him as well, I don't make or break what he decides to do.

Hugs it really does get better, you have to be willing to do the work to see the light at the end of the tunnel :) Hugs P :)

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Lyne, it takes work, changing old behaviors. Nothing will be different it you are doing the same things!

I took little steps. Realizing it was a disease, and there was NOTHING i could do to change it.Why bother try then?

So his life is his own. I have no right to try to get him to do anything, it was his decision. they are adults they have a right to run their own life.It has nothing to do with us if counselor calls, if they go to meetings, if they use, if they brush their teeth or wash their car. What makes us think anything is OUR business that is their inventory??

We are sick from their disease, so we stop the insanity. We accept they don't want anyone bugging them anymore than we like it. We are not their parents. If we choose to stay, we accept them as is, and we develop our lives to be ok with them.

We go to meetings, read literature, get ideas from here. We learn to look at us not them. What do I need? What do I want to work on? What can I do for fun.

Just love them. They are very, very sick. Sadly the disease gets worse and worse. I gleaned every darn moment I could from my ex AH, until I really realized it was a monster in his body not him.

No, she does not decide how you feel about the us. Only you can control you hon, she can only control her. We cannot put it on them! To me this is part of the illness talking. We cannot blame anyone else for how we look at things.

Al Anon will give you tools to really look at yourself. What do YOU want? What makes YOU happy? Can you love someone who is so sick and has such awful symptoms?

As far as her weight that is her issue too. NOTHING we do will encourage them! The best thing we can do is say I love you, whatever you do is totally up to you.

It's normal to be concerned, however, we have no right to bring it up. She knows much more than we do!

Someday you will feel your own power. This will all be in the past.

come here where people understand, care and relate! We already love you!

debilyn

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Lyne...Aha!! moments are moments of awarness and it sounds like you are having one. Maybe your expectations are abit high for the amount of time you have spent learning from the program and MIP. Let go and Let God and take One Day at a time and keep applying yourself with focus on yourself and the changes will come along nicely. Things don't always come out in the way and time that i want them to Aha!! ...Keep coming back it works as your work it. ((((hugs)))) smile

Lyne · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you so much for the kind and excellent feedback. I don't know if I can love her with her sickness anynmore. I was able to for about 15-17 years. The last round of drinking and lying, April & May, put me over the edge in some way. I'm shut off to her. I don't know if I love her anymore. I will certainly stick with the message board. I read CoDep. No More 10 years ago. Think it's time to read it again. Would love to go to a F2F meeting. Will work that in eventually. I know it would help to have an in person fellowship of folks who care and understand. The message board in itself is such a blessing to me. Lyne

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

That is another Aha!! moment and was for me also as I came to understand that the disease has the power to convernt me into the person I don't want to be lacking in compassion, love and understanding. I surrender the good stuff for the non-so-good stuff and instead of being found loveable and loving I am found uncaring. What happened to that character I use to have I asked and then found the solutions inside of the program.

Don't hesitate Lyne...run to the first face to face meeting you can get to because it's about saving your tush not anyone elses...though that might happen also.

Keep coming back (((((hugs))))) smile

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.