how to "let go" financially & when kids are involved - Al-Anon Family Group

soozin12 · Newbie

how to "let go" financially & when kids are involved

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

What would make him get a job if someone just gives him money? So how did giving him the $40 save you from a hassle? It didn't.

The disease messes with our minds, we don't even see the picture in front of us!

Have you read,"Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drew, volume one? I invite you to.

It's always ones choice to do what they do. Myself, no way would I give anyone money who was in this situation. I refuse to be part of the insanity.

Plus in this situation, my kids come first.There are jobs out there. Especially if you have nothing at all, anything is better than nothing.

somehow the kids seeing him come home drunk talking disrespectfully to their mom seems like drama to me. I would have lost it if my daddy talked to Mother that way.

No child is "used" to abuse. Believe me it hurts them to see him and hear him like he is. Keep what peace?

I am very sad for your situation! Its a super hard one, especially when you have kids.

You must work very hard, all you need is to be supporting his disease also. I hope you can get to meetings, and come back here a lot!

Hugs,debilyn

-- Edited by Debilyn on Saturday 30th of July 2011 01:19:25 AM

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Getting abused and paying for it...been there done that. My alcoholic addict wife use to do it at a much higher dollar value. If you're not attending face to face Al-Anon meetings in your area I'd suggest finding the hotline number to Al-Anon in your area and calling to see where and when we meeting...then come and sit with us and listen and learn and get some literature to take with you and read. "F" you in my town with the support from the Alternatives to Violence Program and get you some immediate quiet time in the local jail. You don't have to live this way and the meetings will give you much more information and support. Keep coming back here. (((((hugs))))) smile

-- Edited by Jerry F on Saturday 30th of July 2011 01:04:33 AM

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

Soozin12,

I would like to encourage you as others have to check out the face to face meetings of alanon. It would give you much support in this difficult time. Should you like what you hear, you may consider the possibility of having the kids look into Alateen and in some areas, there is pre teen alateen.

I grew up in an alcoholic family home, neither parent in a recovery program. I do know the struggles, unpredictability, and arguements that occur between both parents. Those incidences shaped me as an adult. Alcoholism is an incidious progressive disease. I chose to attend alanon for my children because I have always wanted more for them than I have ever wanted for myself.

I do so hope you will give us a try if you have not had any exposure to face to face meetings of Alanon.

We are here for you in love and support. Please keep coming back.

Best,

Tommye

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

The ex A at the end of our relationship loved extorting money from me. One time when he had the pets in his care I brought stuff for them. He promptly took it back and used the money for drugs.

I would highly recomend getting them Sober it is a series of books that helps to separate out the detaching from the not doing something that would hurt yourself.

A's can suck up money like a ant eater. The ex roommate who is now evicted would say things to me like "let me use your phone because you don't need it anyways". I would not give in. If I gave him anything it was a choice rather than under threat.

This is a diffiuclt position to be in. Lean on your program and lean on this group. Don't try to work all this out this minute. Take it day by day. If you slip and give him money remember this disease has a relentless ferocity of its own.

Maresie.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.