The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am learning to let go and Let God. Let it be....
Last night my A was at work. He drank at work. I knew it, but I had to tend to my own business so I got off the phone. When I picked him up, he was so drunk that he was tipping over etc. I got him home, he fell asleep on the couch. All this time, I was talking to my sponsor on the phone. She helped me check my attitude and keep to my program. I cannot say enough how much it helps to have a sponsor now :)
My A went about being drunk and I kept to my new tools of doing my own thing. He made a mess of the toilet, and then came to bed. Then he professed his love for me over and over for an hour and asked if I loved him over and over. I responded only because if I didn't he would get louder. It was suggested to me by a friend here that when I am ready to set another boundary, perhaps I can tell him when he is sober that if he drinks like that again, I will have to have him sleep on the couch so I can rest before work.
I cleaned up the toilet mess only because I didn't want the kids to come in and see it in the morning (they have to use the bathroom too). My sponsor suggested that next time I just close that door and have them use the other bathroom and when my A gets up ask him if he knows how to clean a bathroom. And then have him clean it.
Talking with her this morning (my sponsor) helped me to see how the alcohol reveals how emotionally insecure he is. I feel sad about this, but I also feel happy because I did not REACT like I used to... I remained calm through out the whole ordeal. This morning I didn't yell and scream. I let him be in his hangover, throwing up and I didn't say anything. He doesn't know where his cell phone is, probably left it in his locker at work, and he said he felt stupid for drinking. He was down on himself enough, why add to it?
I just did my thing got ready for work and left calmly. My sponsor really helped me keep my thoughts on me and my responses. I have a meeting tonight to go to. I am learning to surrender to what is going on and give my A over to HP. I just wanted to share that getting to meetings and getting a sponsor really do help me. The real time face to face sponsor is working for me. Take care all :) Thanks, I am glad to be here and I will keep coming!
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
That is so awesome. It is so good to see someone like yourself growing and gaining back your independence. I agree with you our tools that we use help us not react and the outcome is so much better! I am so lucky to have my sponser as well. I feel more at peace when I can talk things through with them. This is an amazing program. :)
Wow - youfoundme. I am so impressed with your progress and response. I could never have been that strong. I am so sad too that you are having to go through this, but you have the right attitude. I am having trouble turning over to my HP even the smaller things, so I know how much of an accomplishment this is that you were able to turn this BIG item over and let it be.
Congrats on your progress!! Enjoy the meeting and way to work your program :)
P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Great way to work your program ! Sounds like you have a great sponsor too !! Kinda curious, while it's none of my or anyone elses business so feel free to tell me to MYOB. But wondering what kinda work your hubby does that he can get that intoxicated and it's ok? Keep workin it You are worth it ! Blessings
Thanks all :) Xeno: He works at a department store part time, still collecting unemployment for when he doesn't get hours. He is in the shoe section and at that time of night its quiet there. He said this morning that he remembers it being 9:30pm, but nothing after that. He didn't get fired so apparently no one knew he had been drinking. He was sitting out on the curb when I arrived at 10:05, he got out at 10pm. He didn't mention anything at that time. We are assuming he still has a job at this point. You are right though, its not ok to drink at work, and he knows that, but his disease took over.... :(
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
It took a long time and a lot of practice but I was finally able to let go and let God - gave my ah into HP's hands and haven't taken him back. Congrats on your great progress and not reacting. Thanks for sharing, I'm glad you're here.
I live around alcoholics and I certianly clean up the mess when I need to. Right now they've left the washing up in the sink for 3/4 days. After a while I generally do it. I don't confront and ask them to do it anymore. Does no good at all.
I think you did fabulously. Glad you have a sponsor!
