not sure what to do if anything - Al-Anon Family Group

jamfu · Veteran Member

not sure what to do if anything

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

I still say 2 weeks, is 2 weeks, there's nothing wrong with opening yourself up especially given you both are single. People change, usually with age comes more baggage. Take your time, enjoy what you have, there is absolutely NO rush. I go back to the wedding dress analogy .. don't show up at her door with the wedding license. Slow is good especially considering you aren't in high school anymore and it's been a while. You sound emotionally vulnerable right now considering you lost your dad recently and are still in the grieving process. Put some work in your program and go forward without the fog. :)

Hugs and relax :) P :)

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

People can change a lot in 12 years. Of course she may be even better! I think it's great.

I really hope it turns out you two enjoy each other.

Ok I am going to be blunt. In my experience we must be friends first. It's so vital and the relationship will be so much better. No comparison to ones who get intimate too fast.

If you guys date, I would keep very busy doing things and going places. If sex starts, it changes everything, and can ruin it. Its so cool to really get to know them, laugh with them, find out things about them, not be clouded by hormones.

Use the head on your shoulders. woo her.

Ok that is MY experience. I can tell you my best friend is a guy. we have been friends over 10 years. I love him so much, that I am thrilled his wife is in recovery!!

What I mean by that is, I would love him and always want the best for him no matter what!

So myself, I think about how long it takes to develop a friendship, I don't get the being intimate too soon. HOlding hands, kissing and all that is so neat with out the other for a long time!

I am excited for you! Take a breath, pay attention. LISTEN, but watch what they do, not what they say.

Hugs,debilyn

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

2 weeks is way to soon to be using the "L" word. Your feelings are not wrong, mislabeled perhaps. Smitten was the word you used originally and smitten is where is probably still is. People get freaked out by hearing "I love you" too soon. Just my 2 cents on that. I do hope it works out though.

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

I think most women enjoy the excitement of the courtship and seeing things unfold. Going straight to the punch might be taking some fun out of it for both of you. Baby steps :)

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

You know I myself dont have any experience on this to take a stab at it because I have not been in the dating world for over 16 years. I dont know about dating these days especially with reconnecting with old flames, but what I remember is being chronically frustrated and thinking to myself, this should be much simplier.

On issues that confuse the heck out of me, what has always worked for me is to pray about it first then trust your instinct.

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

I have learned through alanon that I need to take my time on things and think things through. I would look at my motives and I keep remember to not react, but learn to respond. You can always ask her on a real date and see where things go. Take care and keep coming :)

jamfu · Veteran Member

Well we were planning on a date last wednesday, then I got the call from my mom that dad went into a coma. So i had to pack up and leave for Tampa before we had a chance to go out. All we had was the phone. but the cat is out of the bag now. i cant change what i told her i was feeling. I'll just have to wait and see if she comes around. That'll be the answer. Hell I might hate her guts in person after all this time. Who knows its in gods hands now.

Here is a quote from Duane Allman that I have always tried to live by.

"I love being alive and will be the best man I possibly can. I will take love wherever I find it and offer it to everyone who will take it. I will seek knowledge from those wiser and teach those who wish to learn from me."

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

jamfu, sorry to hear about your father. Just take it one day at a time. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Best,

Tommye

jamfu · Veteran Member

Thanks it has been real hard. I am really having a hard time focusing at work. I just feel scatter brained all day long with tiny moments of clarity where i am not just staring at my work.

flopadopilus · ~*Service Worker*~

I am sorry to hear about your dad. When my dad died it was a long time until I could focus or think straight. Just take your time making any major decision and take it easy. Sending you love and support!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.