The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have my up and down days. more up than down. Trying to give control over to HP but having difficulty with crap in my head and can't clear it out. I can have all day good then something happens with my AW to give me reason to make me think she is lying as she has in the past and been caught. she is in recovery right now but still the lies continue. then thats when my head takes over and I think back to the Motorcycle trip invitation.
How can I deal with these struggles in my head. Now I am locked out of Phone records. If noting to hide then why do that.
Get a sponsor KM! You are right on the cusp of some break throughs and you wont have them without a sponsor to bounce the thoughts off of and get feedback.
Here is my take: Step 3 is making a decision to trust your higher power. This could mean to make a decision to trust her or not and leave the rest in your HP's hands. All of the detective work is driving you crazy anyhow. Step 3 is letting go. Just make that decision to trust your HP and let go. When you find your jealous and angry feelings coming back keep handing it over to your HP. It takes practice. If you find out later that you have been lied to or whatever, you either forgive and keep faith in your HP to provide for you (accept what you cannot change) or you set limits and/or end things (have the courage to change what you can). Of course the big struggle here is having the wisdom to know the difference. For that you must pray and be patient. Not all answers will come to you at once and you can rest easy knowing that her behavior doesn't have to push all your buttons or put you into crazy mode any more. You can choose serenity on a daily basis.
I don't have a sponsor yet either. I know I'm supposed to, but I haven't found the right person. Luckily, I have other wonderful people in my life who are providing me with support, healthy insights, and their own wisdom and I'm doing individual counseling. I hope soon I will get a sponsor...
I really agree with what Mark says below. I've recently been through step 3. It took some time to really soak in steps 1 and 2. I accepted that I had no control over alcohol or another person and that my life had become unmanageable. I SURRENDERED! I truly came to believe that a higher power could restore me to sanity. I had to soak in those two steps for a while and then I really thought step 3 was going to be really tough for me and would take a really long time. I haven't had any faith in so many years, maybe ever.
I kept thinking about it and repeating to myself my intentions to turn my life, my problems, and his problems over to a higher power. Let go, let God. Definitely kept repeating that simple and profound serenity prayer. And then something really amazing happened. I had to sloooooow down and open up my mind and heart in prayer even though I didn't know who I was praying to or what to expect. I just gave up, opened up and prayed... and I ended up finding a connection to my true self and my higher power that's indescribable. And now, I keep praying and practicing...
I'll pray for you too, KM, hope you find comfort and clarity.
I have started step 4 and couldn't take such an inventory without a sponsor's help, I hope you can find someone in meetings that will suit you. I am sending you love and support!
__________________
God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
I have tried this program on my own years ago and failed at step 4. I really felt like I did steps 1 - 3 completely with the literature and accepted the ideas of powerlessness, unmanageability, and a power greater than myself.
That third step decision is a doozie. What I thought I decided when I was going at it alone was nothing like the decision I made while I was working with a sponsor guiding me through the process and giving me specific actions to take on a daily basis on steps 1 - 3. I have found that what I get out of my recovery is what I put into it one day at a time. As such, I know today if I did not make that third step decision and sit down and work the step with my sponsor, I could not write an fearless moral inventory as it is described in step four then share it with another human being in step 5 and experience the gifts of the program.
Thanks to all for your advice. I think it is unanimous, I need a sponsor. There is one old chap in a new group I attended last week in my hometown. I think he would be a perfect candidate. trouble is I travel a lot for work and it will be almost 2 weeks before I get to see him again.
My son gets married on Friday. That's the good news for this week. She is threatening not to go today. I can not believe it. apparently in the AA they joke about Al Anon members saying "I am not the one with the problem". We all know we have problems and that the A in our lives contributed to a great portion of them. Then they think when they are in recovery that the hurt is still on them.
Sorry, I need that sponsor. My head taken over again, being attacked by the bad guy as he don't want to lose anyone to a HP.
