The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
First I want to thank you all for your responses and messages of encouragement. I believe I've truely found the place to be.
I have YET to make it to a f2f meeting. Schedule is not exactly working out the way I had hoped. I have been doing lots of reading and have a couple of more books ordered and on the way.
Still don't know when ABF will be released, kind of a waiting game at this point. Even though I miss him like crazy, it has really given me the time to reflect on what I want to do for ME... and my daughter of course.
I'm still getting positive response from him regarding his recovery. He should begin AA this week and he has supposedly signed up for an anger management class they offer there as well. It seems like he's been doing his own reading as well and I'm getting quite a bit of "I can't wait to prove to you how serious I am about not drinking anymore". I was absolutely FLOORED when he said, "I realize this is not YOUR problem or responsibility but if you'd keep your eyes and ears out for job leads for when I get out I'd appreciate it".... working me over or working his program? I guess only time will tell. It's hard not to have great expections of complete happiness when he comes home. (still working on that one)
The bird hasn't visited again. I've even put seed out in the hopes of it making an appearance. I have a friend that lives several buildings down from me that has been going through a hard time with her husband as well. She mentioned that it was perched above her doorway the other night.
Thank you all again! I'm taking things day by day... and I WILL keep coming back.
-- Edited by ELEKTRAWMN on Monday 25th of July 2011 08:14:36 PM
__________________
~Kat
Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~Voltaire
Maybe the bird hasn't been back because it's visiting someone else who needs it (your friend who saw it the other night?) Sounds like you're making great progress. And yes, this IS the place to be for love, encouragement and support. I'm glad you're here.
You are making good progress. :) Keep on coming back it works if you work it :)
P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I would only caution you not to let your hopes turn into "expectaions" for your bf's recovery. And I say that out of pure experince. My son ( my A ) has been in and out of jail more times than I can count in the last 3 years. Only 1 charge but he can never complete his probation so goes in an out on probation violations. And each and everytime we heard almost word for word the things your bf is telling you. And don't get me wrong I believe they believe it all when they are saying it. But when they are in a locked controlled enviornment it is easy to stay sober obviously, they get some clarity and i do believe they really want to change. They also want to secure a place to live when they get out. But once they are back out in the real world back to facing the same temptaions as before they went to jail and havent yet developed the coping skills to deny those temptations. I don't mean to say this to bring you down. I could be totally wrong in your case, I am just stating my own experience with this. The problem I had was everytime my son would come home I hoped all those promises made were true. And as he kept his sobriety those "hopes" very quickly turned into "expectaions" and once that happened I set myself up for disappointment when my son would eventually break his sobreity. So today I keep hope alive ALWAYS. But I no longer set any expectations for my son. Thats how I learned to take care of me, protect me from disappointment. And also to accept my son and be able to love him but hate the disease. I do hope all works out with your bf, I will be praying for both of you and hoping that during this time you are learning how to take care of you, going to meetings and working your recovery. Blessings
Xeno, yes, it's a fine line between hopes and expectations... hard to decipher the two at times.
I know this is going to be a day by day situation. We're at a point again where he is not going to be out anytime soon. I'm almost glad because these last 26 days has been the most days in a row sober since I've met him. The longer he's in, the less blame he puts on everyone else. Go figure.
Thanks again for your prayers and support! :)
__________________
~Kat
Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~Voltaire
