The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I spent some time with my mom today- she's 73 years young : ) She had this to say to me today: "I can't believe "your AH" has a drinking problem. He's a very bright and well educated man. He should know better." As if he had a choice!
I felt the need to educate her a bit. I explained to her that alcoholism doesn't discriminate. Men, women, teens, elderly, rich, poor, high school degree, college degree, unemployed, employed etc. - all can fall victim to this horrible affliction. She seemed sincerely surprised when I said what I did to her. Oh well, just another person who might have learned something about the disease of alcoholism today.
I never noticed my fiancé's alcoholism for a long time because he had a good job, good family, was well groomed and had a lovely personality. He was never drunk.
I thought alcoholics were drunks, tramps and unpleasant people. They were the ones who had bad/abusive childhoods, lost everything etc, the typical cliché.
Alcoholism is like a theif in the night. It has affected so many people in my immediate and extended family.
My mother in law started drinking a little wine watered down after a surgery about 15 years ago. She never drank while my husband or his siblings were growing up. Well, she is now bringing out that Mardi Gras cup sized glass of wine with a splash of water in it right after lunch and through the rest of the evening. The disease can begin with a little drink and progress so quickly. That is why they call it cunning, baffeling, and powerful.
There is still so much ignorance surrounding alcoholism. I have to admit that I didn't believe that it was a "disease" not that long ago.
Stereotypes are handed down generation to generation. They take a long time to kick. A long time!
When an opportunity presents itself, I share what I know of this disease. But that is seldom. So many people are in denial. So many are impacted by this disease, but yet they deny it. I was one of those for so long. My husband, an alcoholic? I don't think so! But slowly the veil of denial was lifted.
All I can do is live by example the best I can and hope that someone will ask me how I do it. (Not that I'm anywhere close to perfect! Don't mean to suggest that!)
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Great topic. I have had family staying at my home all week. It has been a little stressful, but I am happy to report that I and my AH did well. He is trying so hard to repair relationships (making amends). I was sitting outside with my sister and niece one night and my sister stated that she was SO mad at my AH for putting me through so much crap. I just smiled at her and gently let her know that he didn't put me through it, he put himself through it. I could have left at any time, but chose to stay. Then I asked her, Do you know of any one that said, when they were young children, when asked, "When I grow up, I want to be an alcoholic." She looked at me so shocked, but then she kind of laughed and stated that she had never looked at it from that angle. It is a baffling disease, that likes to take and take and take. Nobody WANTS to be an addict of any kind.
I really wish more people knew about this! two of my very close friends were in complete shock when I confided in them that my AH has a drinking problem. He is always happy around people, never misses work, loves my friends' kids. No one knew how lonely and depresssing my life was at home.
Great topic, and you're bang on - it really doesn't discriminate... In fact, it was explained to me at one of my AW's treatment centers, that often times it is "even harder" for treatment centers to help those wealthier/more affluent, as they have a greater difficulty humbling themselves, and truly accepting they are powerless over their addictions...
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
