The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was at my home meeting last week and led the meeting. One member shared that she was thinking about me and what I shared the week before. And, she mentioned that she was discussing it with a friend and had a good laugh about it. Further, she even described me to her friend, how I look and all. Needless to say, I felt bad. I as so upset, I could not approach her immediately. Hopefully, this week I can pull her to side and let her know how I feel.
I left a meeting years ago because one member almost got me in trouble with my job. The meeting after the meeting went absolutely wrong and the gossiping got out of control. My coworker learned something personal about me. It jeopardized my job then. I decided to walk away and found another meeting.
This time, I am not walking away. Has anyone ever deal with something similar. How did you handle it?
Am sorry that happened to you and yes I have experienced it myself .. your doing the right thing one on one works best then let it go .. you could also chair a meeting on anonymity and how important it is to you . Louise
Hugs, so sorry that happened to you. I think you have the right idea. I can't believe someone would do that and then actually admit it.
P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Oh I am so very sorry that happened to you. Something similar happened to me but it was after the meeting for which so many people still hang around. I was embarassed too.
What that lesson taught me was the value of my sponsor. I no longer share detailed events in open meetings. I can describe in general what is going on in my life as it relates to the topic at hand without disclosing too many specifics. Alanon isn't the hot bed of mental health as I thought it was. We are all human and sometimes we hurt one another. But a good sponsor is someone you can trust with every nook and cranny of your life without the fear of it going public.
I am so sorry to hear about what happened! You are right about what you said; she had no right to break your anonymity! I hope you find another meeting that you can stick w/. We are here for you so don't give up!
Something similar happened to me many years ago. The adult Sunday school class at the church I was attending decided to tackle the topic of inner healing from past hurts. The pastor made it very clear from the very first class that everything said in that room was to stay in that room. I'd been in recovery for over a year at that point, so I was familiar and comfortable with anonymity. I was also VERY excited about the healing I was going through and wanted to share the things I was learning with other people who might also benefit from it.
I quickly learned that anonymity didn't mean anything to people who weren't used to it, and that they didn't think they had to live by the rules the pastor had laid down. A few days later, J (I don't want to use her name, but I refuse to call her "mom" anymore) showed up at my house, and I knew the minute she hit the door that she was looking for a fight. Someone in the class had told her what I'd said, and she was in a rage over how I could have made up such horrible lies! I'm pretty sure I know who it was who couldn't keep their mouth shut, but if I'd confronted her, she would have denied it. J and I always had a strained relationship, and this person's interference only made things worse. I hadn't told J a lot of the things that had happened because I knew she'd never believe it. After being in recovery for a while, I came to a place where I understood that if it had been me, I wouldn't want to believe that someone I loved would do something like that; and I also wouldn't want to believe that I was capable of loving someone who would do such things. So I never told her, but this other person caused even more trouble in an already very troubled relationship. I told the pastor what had happened and he told the class what had happened and stated clearly that such a thing was never to happen again if the class was to continue with its chosen subject. But the damage was already done.
It came back up again a few years ago, when my sister-in-law, a woman I've never even met, sent me the most hateful email anyone could ever possibly receive. One of the things she mentioned in it was how I told horrible lies about her husband's father for no other reason than to make J look bad in a town that she's lived in for so many years. As if.
I hope you're able to resolve this situation in a healthy way. Please keep us posted on what happens.
Red Hawk
__________________
My heart is moved by all I cannot save: so much has been destroyed. I have to cast my lot with those who, age after age, perversely, with no extraordinary power, reconstitute the world. A passion to make, and make again, where such un-making reigns.
I Liked (((Abbyal))) Idea about leading a meeting on the subject and how important it is to you! You mentioned it happened before and you could somehow work that into your lead about why you left that meeting... I also beleive that the One on One with them would be a wonderful place to start... and As I am Often told, Mean what you say, Mean what you Say, But Don't Say it Mean! :) Some do not Grasp the Thought of Annonimity whether it just be a Lack of Understanding, or they just can't keep their Mouth Shut.... In Al-Anon it did teach me when to Shut up, and step back... Something I also was Dumb to before the program... Now I am Very Grateful to know when to Zip it ;)
Wishing you Strength, and Courage to see you thru.. Friends in Recovery...
Few things make me more disappointed than what happened to you. I learned early on in alanon that breaking someone's anonymity may not seem important to the one who breaks it, but can have devastating ..even life threatening...effects on the victim. Some of the above responses prove that, and I'm with Abby, the least that can be done is to have a meeting based on the principle of ANONYMITY.
Thank you for all your insightful feedback. I really appreciate all your suggestions. In fact, I was not able to attend my regular meeting on Monday night and did not handle the situation yet. However, I felt betrayed nonetheless. I will lead another meeting next month. Anonymity will be my topic, for sure. Thanks for your stories and experiences. I learned from all your sharing. Thanks for being here and for your moral support.
