The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When I starting reading Alanon literature I couldn't really get a grasp on what enabling was and separating it from compassion. I was helped by many and now I can boil it down to one sentence. "Do not do for others what they can and should do for themselves" This helped me and then it wasn't so complicated. And another rare but true saying is:"When the pain of where you are is greater than the fear of where you will be, you will move" I think this applies to all of us and is probably innate when we are clear headed.
On anger, I have always thought of anger as an emotion that comes up when we don't get our way and cannot control a situation. How you handle it is the most important thing.
This is one of the descriptions I found on line "the cause of anger is generally due to believing you have lost control over something that is important to you and related to your core values".
Oldergal
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Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
Anger is just another mask of fear for me. Usually it is the fear of losing something I have or not getting something I want that is the trigger. Often my anger erupts when I fail to practice self care. If I dont put myself first, then I am no good to anyone else. Face to face meetings for me is one of the forms of self care I practice on a weekly basis which help keep my wings level and fly straight.
I totally agree with Tommye, that I have learned that when I am angry the underlying feeling that is there is FEAR. I have to ask whats my part in it? I am afraid that if my A is drunk, it won't look good on me, I am afraid that he may get in trouble with work, the law, his parents etc. I am afraid that he will say something to the kids that he will regret or to me. I am afraid because I bring forward to this day with me fears from my childhood that I haven't healed from yet. I am afraid of abandonment so when my A used to go off to drink I would fear he wouldn't return, but that fear would translate as anger.
Being angry for me means I am not taking care of me. So I am working on that by acknowledging when I need something or want something and I take care of my needs now as quick as I can. Meetings help me feel better and talking with others from alanon. Take care of you. Thank you for this thought provoking post! Like that line you posted to not do for others what they can do for themselves. This is so true, we must give others the dignity of being themselves... :) HUGS!
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
