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I noticed that there seems to be a theme on anger recently, .. lol .. not that I haven't had my share of that emotion recently. It keeps creeping in on me and I have to remember what is mine, his and ours together .. lol.
Last week I heard a great quote, I swear I thought I had read it here on the boards I know it was spoken at our last meetings it just struck a chord with me.
"Aruging with anger is like aruging with alcohol."
I really liked what this said to me because regardless if we are living with active A's or A's who are finding their way in treatment. Anger and trying to address someone while in anger or while they are in anger is a fruitless way to deal. I know how I feel when I'm angry and having someone come in and say something when what I really need or crave is space, they might as wave the red blanket and shout "TORRO" cause it's on after that. LOL .. and usually it's not pretty.
Something I have learned and am trying to practice is walking away when I'm angry or I sense the conversation is not going to be productive. I've been better able to verbalize this is not a good time for this conversation. Can we pick it up later? Or listening to my husband when he says he's not ready. Choosing to put down the conversation at that point.
I have the opportunity to do two things, I can pick up the conversation later, How Important Is It if I've chosen to listen to my husband and I have time to Think about what it is that I want or need to say. Usually when we meet in the middle the conversation goes so much better and it's more productive. Seriously, I'm tired of fighting and aruging in ways that are so not productive to the issue at hand. It's way to easy to point, deflect, dance around the subject and I'm very much over that kind of discussion.
I also can redirect the conversation back to where it needs to be if it becomes a blame game, I bring up one thing and the next thing I know a laundry list of things he's been carrying around comes out. I've now taken to say, that's fine I understand you have things you want to address, "THAT" is not what we are talking about right now, if you want to talk about that later we can, right now "THIS" is what we are talking about. Let's stay on topic. I don't think he's figured out what to do with that one .. lol. At least not yet .. lol.
Anyway, just my two cents and I felt the need to share :) Thanks :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Pushka... thanks for the great insight! Redirecting is always beneficial...I'm slowly learning to do that with conversation involving blame with my A....but it's fantastic to handle work situations too! I've been practicing on them quite a bit in anticipation for when ABF comes home.
:)
((hugs))
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~Kat
Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~Voltaire
Pushka ((((HUGS)))) Thank you for this! Its exactly what I am learning too! We don't have to go to every argument we are invited to, nor conversation! We can use the tools of sentences that are just "Ok" or "I will talk with you about this later" etc. Learning to say what we mean, mean what we say and to not say it mean is the most important thing I can do. Thanks :) Great share!
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
