The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A few days ago, I had submitted a new post (Private Counseling vs Al-Anon). Since the initial post is further down on page 1 and will soon go to page 2, I decided to create a new post to thank all the participants. Each post helped me to gain more clarity on this topic. And I think many people helped each other in the process of their shares. Helping each other is what this board is all about.
Therefore, I'm so thankful that I did submit the post. I almost didn't because I realized I was struggling with what I was wanting to say. I'm still struggling expressing myself and now know the reason why.
My mom has not had her physical health for quite some time; her end was near, and that is why I've been struggling with my thoughts. She passed this Thursday. She never had good mental health; she suffered from a personality disorder. Many characteristics of this disorder mimic alcoholism. I didn't see the similarities until recently. I grew up with this disorder, so marrying an alcoholic and staying in that environment for 36 years is now understandable. It was all I knew. The chaos was "normal." Truthfully, her passing is a blessing in my eyes. She taught me how not to be. I sure wish I could say different. But that would be so dishonest. I have a love for her that will always be and I recall the few happy times we spent together. I know she is at peace now. And for that, I'm so grateful.
But.... anyway... I'm still having difficult with my thoughts and expressing them. I wanted to post to let all the participants know how much I appreciated their ES&H. I think that we all helped each other.
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I am so sorry to hear about your Mother. I want you to know Gail.....Your Mother left a wonderful daughter who continues to help others with her ES&H. Thank you.
It is so hard to lose our mother,after all no matter what there is a connection, even if we were adopted out.
makes me sad you are going thru this. It is going to be difficult for awhile.
If you are having trouble expressing your thoughts maybe you just are not ready too.
We can always say, you know I care, I just can't express my heart sometimes.
You know we can have thoughts we don't understand in the first place, so that would make it hard to express them.
I know for me, I loved to be asked questions. so counseling was great for me.When someone asks the right question or like Tom did for me today sharing on my share,it helps me to understand those strange feelings I have.
Please be tender with yourself, and protect yourself from anyone who is not being compassionate.
Sometimes we greive when we lose someone as we never will get to have a chance for the relationship to be what we wanted.
hugs hon,debilyn
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Putting HP first, always <(*@*)>
"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."
I also appreciated your posting and that discussion about meetings and/or counseling. I just found this board in the last few weeks and can't say how much I've appreciated the ESH and positivity.
Debilyn, you wrote, "Sometimes we greive when we lose someone as we never will get to have a chance for the relationship to be what we wanted."
You nailed it! While I'm so happy that my mother has found peace because she rarely experienced it in life, I'm also grieving for the relationship we never had. I sensed she wanted it too. I took her to joint counseling once; however, she refused to ever go again because she didn't see herself as having a problem.
I did the best I could. That's all anyone can do.
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt