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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Balancing Act
Post Info TOPIC: Balancing Act
canadianguy


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Balancing Act
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Hi gang....  just wanted to re-post this today, about the importance of "balance" in our lives....  even with respect to recovery stuff vs. other stuff - whether it is dealing with our A's specifically, or life in general....  For me, I had a tendency to try and find "too much recovery", and it could all become overwhelming....  I ended up making a pact with myself, that I focussed on my recovery for 1 hour per day, and that seemed to be the right amount for me...  Hope this helps...

T

 

 

I often quote the words from my wise old sponsor Don, who has since passed away....  I was looking for something in my garage the other day, and inadvertently came across a few of the e-mails that he had sent me years ago, as he helped me find my way in my Al-Anon recovery.  The one copied below is a wonderful example of what he helped teach me - about balance, life, etc....  I hope it can bring some good to many of you out there, as I always found him uplifting and most helpful....

Take care
Tom


(from June 13, 2003)


Dear Tom,

First, let me point out that we can overdo many things. CODA, Al- Anon, the recovery center, stories of other people in recovery and all that stuff simply does sound like a bit too much. Maybe you have put so much time trying to identify your problem that you have over identified it and havent spent time just living.

 

The trick is to count your blessings, to learn to be grateful for what you do have. You have a good job, I assume, a couple of cute and sweet kids, and if nothing else a sober wife. Al-Anon, CODA, The Recovery program (is it Edgewood or whatever), Church, Bible Studies, etc. are not going to do what you have to do for TOM.

It is like looking for the perfect pill -- the one that cures all ills. Nothing will cure you, take away the irritants around you, make life easier, or make you happy but your own effort. God has granted us life and choice. Merely because there is a God and there is Life is not enough. We, as human beings have to make choices. There is a saying that is purportedly in the AA Big Book, Would you rather be RIGHT or HAPPY? Being RIGHT is not a happy choice.

 

Tomorrow never comes, so we make plans for tomorrow TODAY. It is plan making, not whether they work that counts. You see, tomorrow when they dont work, we have a new opportunity to Make Plans. This is what positive thinking is about.


All too often, we go around counting what we do not have. Then we look for the worst ways to get it like buying more lottery tickets etc. The real way to get things is to take a positive realistic look at ourselves and where we are, not a negative look at everything else and decide that those things are not satisfying our needs. They probably wont. So here I am living in a nice house with my wife of 51 years and I have some friends, many not Al-Anon friends and I accept what happens rather than try to fix what I think ought to be fixed which I can do nothing about. I have learned to be happy in spite of flat tires, the electricity going off, the air conditioner losing freon, and the roof leaking. I have fancy hurricane shutters and we are going away for a few weeks in the hurricane season. Believe me I can have the hurricane shutters put up in 10 minutes. It takes very little to do. I paid more than $8,000 for that convenience, yet I feel a lot better about having them. They do not make the storm go away but they do help when there is a storm.

Frankly it is nicer finding out what is going to happen next when it happens rather than worrying about it. Wm Shakespeare said in the speach made by Marcus Antonius (Mark Anthony) about Julius Caesar over his body. He said Cowards die many times before their deaths -- the valiant die only once. This means that we can kill ourselves many times thinking about the negatives that can happen. This is really dying over and over again.

I had to learn to live and today there is almost no depression even though I do have moments of return to the old ways. I have to keep trying. I have to learn to live like the happy dog. Step on his tail and he goes, YIPE, YIPE, Yipe, Yipe, Ylpe, ylpe, yipe. When the smarting tail smarts a lot less he comes back wagging it and looking for love. This is a happy dog. I am a happy human being.



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Debilyn


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T that is sure true. I remember in the beginning wanting to feel better so badly, I got obsessed with all the information.

That almost made me sick too!

It will all come together when it does. thank you for this share, it's a unique one

love,debilyn



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Crazy Frog


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Thank you for re-posting this.

Very inspiring. have  agreat day Tom.



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youfoundme


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Thank you Tom :) I think I needed this today :)

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Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me... 

 
Ruby


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Thanks, Tom!  That remind me to stop worrying or even thinking about what other people think about my choices, especially my kids and some of my self righteous sibling, who don't understand my changed behavior and reactions to them since I've been progressing in my recovery program.   I sure needed that!



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Kisplease
tommyecat


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Tom,

In gratitude, thanks so much for posting this today.  You had a very wise sponsor indeed.  I appreciate you passing this on.

Best,

Tommye



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flopadopilus


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Thanks Tom. I needed to read this, because although I am working the steps I have had to not spend so much time always in Al-anon material or even here on the forum. It is hard to stay balanced, but I think I now have the tools, just got to live life and use them for awhile outside of my comfort zone. Which is hard, but where the rubber meets the road is to test myself and see how far I have come and hopefully like the past 6 months I will keep amazing myself and grow in confidence. I isolated a bit while I was most vulnerable, but I feel like this caterpillar is about to come out of her chrysalis a beautiful butterfly.

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God grant me the serenity 
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference. 

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Pushka


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Thanks for the post!! :) Def food for thought!

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
KLotus


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This was very helpful for me! Thanks.

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"The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself."

 
Katy


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Thankyou Tom, one of my symptoms is addiction too, and I needed to be reminded that when I become un-balanced I don't feel too well.

Katy

  x



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maryjane


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Thanks, Tom. This is a great letter to you and you were so lucky to have him as a friend. Thanks for sharing. There are so many things/topics that he touches on. Obsessing, making plans, embracing the day, being happy. It's a great letter.

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maryjane
GailMichelle


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Tom, thanks for sharing this.  It's a great reminder.



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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light.  Lama Surya Das

Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die.  Malachy McCourt
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