scared and cautious - Al-Anon Family Group

sameoldstuff · Member

scared and cautious

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs,

my only suggestion is to put the focus on you. when in doubt goto a f2f. It really doesn't matter what he does it only matters what you do and choose.

Sending love and support, p;)

xeno59 · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome

First Keep going to your meetings and work your recovery.
In my experience, growing up with this disease and now having a son who is an addict I have never personally witnessed a 30 day inpatient rehab that worked.
By the 30th day even those who are desparate and ready and willing to get recovery things are just starting to sink in. It is just not long enough for them to really get in touch with the program and start working it.
My A's who tried 30 day rehabs soon learned it just wasn't enough. They ended up going back for 3-6 months learning the program and little by little going out into the community to practice what they are learning.
And any A that says they no longer crave or desire to drink or use in early recovery is a huge red flag, they are lieing, even to themselves.
This is my personal expereince
This is where you leave your husbands recovery to him and focus on yours. There is nothing you can do to help him so save your energy for yourself and getting yourself healthy.
Blessings

Tracy · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi,

I do not know if you have read my last post, if you have you will see that my partner is lipping again after a 6 month rehb and 3 month dry house. He has been in AA for 2 years. e is battling this disease but sometimes it gets the better of him. I kno tody that hn he thinks he is loosing me he comes on full force with the promises god love him because he does not ant to loose me. He really means what he is saying at the time but if he can keep them time ill onl;y tell. From experience that gaps between disappointment are getting bigger but I am till gtting disappointed if I blieve he can stay sober he is an alcoholic. everyones recovery is different all I am trying to do today is accept I can not fix it for him, and I am very aware i have to protect me in the kindest way with him hope this helps xxx

clep · Senior Member

If he is saying he is coming home in a week if the cravings are gone means to me that he hasn't got it.

My A will make all sorts of promises to keep me in the relationship and then not follow through with any.

He went through a day program and it did nothing. Then he worked a strong program for about a year and did very well. He quit his program and still doesn't drink, but he is a dry drunk now.

Relationships in recovery can be extremely difficult. I know I need my program as much as he needs his or it can never work.

Your own program will aid you in not feeling pressured by his tactics. It will aid you in keeping the focus on yourself.

The books you are reading are very good ones. Keep up the good work, get to meetings. It's all you can do for the situation.

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

If his recovery is solid, there will be the chance to get together again a year or two down the road. Right now he's not in a position to guarantee anything. In fact I think none of us with addictions (alcoholism, co-dependency, or what have you) are in a position to guarantee anything. All we can do is to show by our actions that we're solid on the road to recovery. He will be showing it over time, not instantaneously. I don't doubt that he believes he's solid now. That old alcoholic denial is slow to die. But the reality is, time will tell. If he really gets how it all works, he will know that you are both wise to wait and see, and concentrate on your own programs. If he's in a hurry, maybe that's a sign that he needs to work a little more on the deeds and less on the words.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

We're with you on this...one of my suggestions is get the book "Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism" and read it cover to cover. The information will give you much more confidence. Keep coming back (((((hugs))))) smile

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

What would you do if he was in and out of the hospital with cancer? Or in and out of going to a class to know how to live with diabetes?

For me his disease was none of my business. He's going to do what he is.

No use to get involved. Of course he is saying hopeful things, he wants to believe them and probably does. But sadly that is part of his disease. He manipulates himself as well as others.

Craving is just a symptom. They need to learn thru recovery, being rehab, AA, books, etc how to live as appropriate as they can to be ok.Changing many behaviors is part of it. He is NOT ready, but he has to figure that out. He does know it I bet, but does not believe it.

So again we have to learn to live with them as is or we don't.

I hope things get better for you. Sadly he has a super long ways to go.

love,debilyn

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi and glad you are here :) Keep coming, keep going to meetings in real time! That book Getting Them Sober helped me so much. Also One Day at a time in alanon and Courage to change. When you are at a meeting, get some phone numbers. Call people. Get support. Remember it is a slow process, but it works when we work it. You are worth it! This is a spiritual program and it needs to be tended daily. I choose every day to talk to HP and to Mind my own business. Remain calm, don't react, wait and remember you are powerless over everything but yourself and your own responses. You can take your time with an answer to give him. You can find peace and serenity here. Take care of you!

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