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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Need assitance with a response...
Post Info TOPIC: Need assitance with a response...
ELEKTRAWMN


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Need assitance with a response...
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I know nobody can TELL me what to say.... but I'd sure like opinoins, suggestions and past experiences about how to respond to a statement made by ABF.

I received a very long letter from him today.  A little good.  A little bad.  Of course lots of promises.  But I need help with one particular thing....

This is what he said:

"As far as treatment goes, I have some spiritual books that I've already picked out.  I plan on getting to a doctor for my depression.  I think that combined with an AA group that I can find that I like will be more than sufficent enough.  And if you disagree, you need to let me know.  That will be a good start to our communication problems"

Okay friends.  I know I have no say so in his treatment. I can't control it, right?  How on EARTH can I respond to a request like that.  OF COURSE I don't agree with it.  I think he needs an in-house rehab program... LOL     I THINK with the right program he CAN do it...    more struggles!  AGH!



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~Kat

 Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~Voltaire
youfoundme


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Kat, it is so hard to say anything because we just don't know. My bf went to two rehabs in a years time. Neither one did any good, because HE didn't want it. There is something in the AA big book that says that they have not seen any one fail their program of recovery who has followed the steps, program principles etc exactly as they suggest. As far as I can tell, AA is the place they need to be. If he is detoxed, AA every day, getting a sponsor, and you leaving his recovery with him is all there is to do. You can only take care of you...I am sure others will be a long with more to say.... Only they can do it, it is their recovery. Just like only we can do our own program. You can let go by saying "that is your decision."

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-youfoundme

Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me... 

 
ELEKTRAWMN


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I know that nobody can give me a difinitive yes or no answer. Just wanted to see if there were any stories to relate to. He is detoxed now... These last 15 days are the longest he's been sober in months. Of course, the county doesn't exactly have Bud Ice on the Inmate Commissary list.. LOL Still don't know when he's getting out. Could be months or it could be tomorrow. Preparing myself either way.... With hope, but not so much expectation to be let down again.

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~Kat

 Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~Voltaire
flopadopilus


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Let him set it up and own his after care and hope for the best is the best answer I can give you. He has to want it and I have heard of many different ways people have gotten and stayed sober. Sending you love and support!

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To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference. 

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Pushka


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His recovery is his responsibility. You are not the sobriety police. I think if my spouse came to me with that kind of comment. I would let him know I support his recovery, however just like he is responsible for his own recovery just like I'm responsible for me my own. What does his sponsor say? That would be my response. It need to be put back on him. You are only responsible for your own recovery.

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Debilyn


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I love you and care, I am so glad you have taken responsibility for your own recovery. Saying that I am completely out of it.

 

simple and sweet.



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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clep


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I think if my A had ever said that to me it would have been music to my ears.  He knows he has a problem and is taking steps towards recovery.  I have found AA to be the only tool required.  All the self help books and doctors won't do much from my perspective.

He is working on his recovery, and even if he wasn't, how is your recovery looking?  Are you getting to meetings and if so, congratulations to you too.  :)

As far as what to say....I think I might just say something like, "I'm happy to see you in recovery and being accountable for that.  However you choose to do it is up to you".

Good luck.



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Jerry F


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AAs' first step and ours is exactly alike...Admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable.  Its all real and what I'm hearing is that for now he intends to remain in control and manage his own recovery in a way that he likes it and he wants to have you too.

When he is ready to do what ever it takes to get and maintain his sobriety regardless of anything or anyone else in his life or inspite of that then he is "ready to take certain steps." (from the BB).

Your gut is telling you not to agree with it...good gut...Just like the program of Al-Anon if you don't do it for yourself and are not willing to do whatever is required it will not work...Your will will trump HP's will and the program and the disease will get progressively worse.  That is from my own personal experiences; one of my own been there and done that.

The communication problem will get better when sobriety (for him) and serenity (for you) gets stronger.    Keep coming back (((((hugs))))) smile



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All I can be


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"As far as treatment goes, I have some spiritual books that I've already picked out. I plan on getting to a doctor for my depression. I think that combined with an AA group that I can find that I like will be more than sufficent enough. And if you disagree, you need to let me know. That will be a good start to our communication problems"

Based on the poor behaviors I am trying to unlearn, to me this seems to say:

I picked out some books
I didnt buy them or read them...

I plan on geting a doctor
I havent done it or started...

I think that...
I havent done these things ...

Will be more than sufficient...enough
No comment

If you disagree I need to know...
Its on you now, give me what I want.

Good start to our communication problems...
What do you need to hear to give me what I want?

I dont see any action words.
Started, read, went, listened, accepted responsibility, looked at selfishness, etc

I am sorry to be hard nosed but what has changed? The answer to that question can be you. Work your program and he can choose action or not.

Please accept my apology for being so tough, but thats the way I see it. You deserve the truth.

Bless you both.



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