Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Newbie....a few questions.
Post Info TOPIC: Newbie....a few questions.
Ashley1723


Newbie

Status: Offline
Posts: 1
Date:
Newbie....a few questions.
Permalink  

My Brother started drinking when he was in high school "casually," and then turned into a weekend and night time partier after he graduated. About five years ago his wife left him unexpectedly and started dating his friend, which made him turn to alcohol. He drank from the time he got off work until he would pass out. I think I always just thought once he got done grieving he would stop drinking. However, it has gotten worse. He drinks ALL the time, and now gets so angry. He works at a family business with the intent of taking it over. Now he will not show up on time; from 10 minutes (rarely) to about an hour and a half late everyday. He continually tells my parents that he hates them and wants nothing to do with them (which is his boss as well.) He will sometimes call us late at night and will talk for hours saying the same thing over and over, cussing, calling names, and threatening suicide. After yelling at me for hours (until 4 in the morning) and threatening suicide several times, he threw the phone and would no longer talk to me. I called my parents and they went to check on him ( I have a 2 yr old and a 1 yr old); they found him passed out in bed. I have asked him to get help but he denies he has a problem. He says "I can stop if I want to, but I don't want to." He believes that the only problem in his life is that he has to work 1/2 of a day on saturday. THAT is preventing him from finding a wife. Since that time he has progressed to telling my parents he hates them even when he is sober. I am not sure what to do anymore...My parents are so upset, my Mom cries constantly about it. Do any of you have any advice? Is his threats for suicide real? Any information would greatly be appreciated.

__________________
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:
Permalink  

Dear Ashley Welcome to MIP
 
I am so sorry that you are dealing with he pain and anxiety of the disease of alcoholism Your brother's behavior is very familiar and so very destructive for the entire family.
As you know ,you nor your family caused this disease, you cannot cure it and cannot control it. You all need help so that you can learn how to interact with this disease and regain your serenity, and courage..
 
Alanon is a fellowship of men and women who have been affected by alcoholism, It was founded by the wife of the founder of AA and has developed tools that restore us to sanity. . It is suggested that we learn to "Focus on Ourselves, Live One Day at a Time,, Understand that we are powerless over the disease but can help ourselves. I suggest that your Mom, Dad and yourself find Face to Face alanon meetings in your community. Breaking the isolation, haring with others who understand is powerful medicine.
 
Help in finding Face to face meetings in your community can be found by going to:http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html Or call: 1-888-4alanon
 
Please keep coming back here as well There is ho[e and help.


-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 14th of July 2011 09:51:45 AM

__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
tommyecat


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1594
Date:
Permalink  

Ashley,

Welcome to MIP I am so glad you are here.  I think you may find that there are so many of us here who understand your problems as few others could.  Please stick around awhile, continue to post, and let us get to know you a little better. 

Alcoholism is a progressive disease.  It is said in our literature that it is cunning, baffeling, and powerful.  What I discovered in the alanon program was the comfort in the 3 C's of Alcoholism.  They are: 

You did not Cause it

You cannot Control it

You cannot Cure it. 

From your post I gathered that your brother doesn't have a problem with his drinking.  However, It seems to me that you and your family are being affected by his drinking.  Alanon has a website:  www.al-anon.alateen.org that has this helpful questionnaire. 

How do you know if you are affected by someone's drinking?

Millions of people are affected by the excessive drinking of someone close. The following questions are designed to help you decide whether or not you need Al-Anon:

 1. Do you worry about how much someone drinks?

 2. Do you have money problems because of someone elses drinking?

 3. Do you tell lies to cover up for someone elses drinking?

 4. Do you feel that if the drinker cared about you, he or she would stop drinking to please you?

 5. Do you blame the drinkers behavior on his or her companions?

 6. Are plans frequently upset or canceled or meals delayed because of the drinker?

 7. Do you make threats, such as, If you dont stop drinking, Ill leave you?

 8. Do you secretly try to smell the drinkers breath?

 9. Are you afraid to upset someone for fear it will set off a drinking bout?

 10. Have you been hurt or embarrassed by a drinkers behavior?

 11. Are holidays and gatherings spoiled because of drinking?

 12. Have you considered calling the police for help in fear of abuse?

 13. Do you search for hidden alcohol?

 14. Do you ever ride in a car with a driver who has been drinking?

 15. Have you refused social invitations out of fear or anxiety?

 16. Do you feel like a failure because you cant control the drinking?

 17. Do you think that if the drinker stopped drinking, your other problems would be solved?

 18. Do you ever threaten to hurt yourself to scare the drinker?

 19. Do you feel angry, confused, or depressed most of the time?

 20. Do you feel there is no one who understands your problems?

If you answered yes to any of the questions above, then Alanon might be right for you.  Alanon has been the saving grace for me and my family.  As with any other disease, it has been so helpful for me to learn all I could about it so I could be of maximum help to myself and others.  I do so hope you will consider attending six or more face to face meetings before making a decision as to whether or not alanon is right for you.

Keep coming back.   I do so hope you will stick around and get to know us a little bit better.  

Respectfully Yours,

Tommye




__________________
Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 13696
Date:
Permalink  

 

 

Aloha Ashley...welcome to the board and I also help you'll stick around and share in our recovery.  Scroll back into the prior post and read up and you might get the feeling that you are not alone in what you are going thru in this disease of alcoholism.

I can suggest that you call the hotline number of for Al-Anon in your area and ask your mom and dad to attend several meetings with you.  You as a family are very affected by one member's drinking.  All the blaming and justifications on his part is normal for how the alcoholic copes with their situation.   It isn't good and doesn't work but that is what they do.  Read other post and you will get more feedback on the condition.  Threats of self harm or harm on others are usual too.  Most alcoholics don't really know about how powerful the chemical is so don't realize that while they might be threatening suicide in other ways they are actually committing it by drinking way to much than the human body can tolerate.

MIP is very very helpful and many Al-Anon members come here to support and comfort and unconditionally love the members who are still hurting.  We have come to understand and have gone thru what you are going thru now mostly.  Find that hotline number and get the places and times we meeting in your area.  Pack up Mom and Dad and check the program out together.  We have married couples in program here who are doing very well than before.     (((((hugs))))) smile



__________________
Pushka


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3870
Date:
Permalink  

Welcome Ashley,

You have been given lots of good ESH already. Addiction is a slowly progressive and it's just as destructive for all of those who love the addict. Keep coming back and you are not alone.

Please keep coming back and keep sharing, P :)

__________________

Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
flopadopilus


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 662
Date:
Permalink  

Hi Ashley and welcome to MIP, i hope you stick around and find local face to face meetings to help bring some sanity into your life. Thanks for posting here with us.

__________________

 

God grant me the serenity 
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference. 

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Newbie....a few questions.