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Looking back I have been on and off this board for many years... I know what I need to do and don't understand why I just can't do it. My AH has made it crystal clear that he has no intention of giving up his drinking and claims he does not have a problem. According to him people don't want to do anything with us because I am unapproachable. Hmmmmm..... I was thinking maybe because he has a major problem and people don't want to be around that?
We have a beautiful ten year old daughter who is being robbed of her childhood. For those of you with children how do your children have friends over? I am a teacher in a small town and I really don't want our families business to get into my professional world. Work is where I find my peace. Our daughter is aware well beyond her years. She gets extremely upset when he drinks. I tried to take money out of my 403B and they wont let me touch it. I wanted to start over by seperating so I could get myself back on track and provide a home free of stress. My AH knows I can't get my money so he knows I have no way of starting over. If anyone has insight on this please help me!
Hugs, odaat sending lots of love and support your way. My AH is a dry drunk. My kids have seen him at his worst. My daughter remembers and it was very upsetting to her. My son only can verbalize that when you drink to much adult stuff it makes you act "silly" and that's not a good thing.
What you choose to do is up to you. I would gently encourage you to find out what your rights are via legal aide. If necessary go to a different town. I have agonized over my kids and the fact my husband got a DUI this past year, he's even been arrested before and all of that goes in the local paper. What I have decided is I did not do anything wrong, our kids did not do anything wrong, his behavior has no baring on me personally or my kids for that matter. If he acts foolish it's not a reflection of me and I"ve stopped taking it personally. I live in a small enough town, we have the luck of having a common name. Still it doesn't keep me from wondering if others have put two and two together. The people who do know still treat me with respect and courtesy, maybe they feel sorry for the kids and myself I don't know. I do know I'm not isolating myself anymore. I'm not putting my business on the front page, his actions speak loud enough. As far as kids coming and going, because my AH is not an active drinker at the moment it's not an issue I worry about. I can understand your hesitation and your professional issues.
Hugs again there is so much love and support I'm sure someone will have a story to share that will help. :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Aloha odaat...good to have you back!! Your situation doesn't sound too good. Sounds like step 2 and 3 and 11 work. I use to think at times that I was stuck in the situation however that was me thinking on me only without the program, HP and sponsor. HP has helped me out of a lot of jambs better than I could by my own thinking and planning. Best ESH I've got is Trust God...Clean House...Help Others. Keep coming back more often. When I broke from my alcoholic/addict there was nothing left which from another view made it less I needed to worry about. I know that isn't exactly the same as your situation but the availability of HP is. (((((hugs)))))
Hi there odaat, do you have a sponsor? Are you attending face to face meetings? When I felt stuck in my situation I had to turn it over to my HP. The first place I moved into was small, but it worked until I could find something better and knew what i could afford on my own and I proved to myself I could live on my own. My next move was into a small but nice house that worked out perfectly for me and my kids and I am still here almost a year later and I keep amazing myself everyday. I gave my A the house along with the mortgage, I have taken only my debts and I am letting him control his life and his bills. Things have really worked out better than I could have ever imagined. I am sending you love and support!
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God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
You said you've been on and off the boards for a few years...my question would be are you getting to meetings? Have a sponsor? working the steps or the program? If not even if you are living in a small town please find and attend meetings in your area. I understand you may not want people to see you there but remember it is anonomous and everyone else is there for the same reason as you. There is no shame on your part getting yourself healthy. I grew up with this disease and I was well aware by the time I was 5 my father was a drunk, and a mean one. Getting yourself healthy is the best thing you can do for yourself and your daughter. Better she has at least 1 healthy parent than none. And if you leave your husband as you wish to, this disease will continue to be in your's and your daughters life. So what better time for you to learn and get educated on this disease and learn new and healthy coping skills you can pass down to your daughter. Even with separation or divorce your husband is still her father, will have visitation etc. If he ever chooses recovery it will be a life long process, the same goes for those of us affected by addiction to get and keep healthy we have to have help, we can't do it alone. Meetings will also provide you with support you need right now and some there may have had to do what it is you are planning and be able to give you information and resources to achieve your goal. Wishing you the best in your recovery Blessings
