The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, I took the alcohol questionaire like you all suggested and the results were as I predicted. A wrecked car, infidelity, and a sad heart told me the answer before I even had to ask.
I told my husband today about my infidelity. He took it rather well. He is still in rehab for pain pills so it was over the phone.
On the 22nd I am set to move into a new apartment but it is not to late to forgo the $190 deposit and forget about it.
That is my biggest question right now. Do I pack up our home, send him to his mothers and me move into an apartment? The thought of it makes me want to vomit. We are clearly both very sick people. My addiction to him is stronger than anything else. And my desire to persevere with our marriage is strong. How do you know if that desire stems from addiction or just love?
Any words of wisdom would be appreciated. Sunday was my first alanon meeting and today I think I'll go to an AA meeting.
Hugs, I'm sure there will be others to respond. I just wanted to let you know that it's not easy to accept responsibility for the messy things in our lives; it's a lot easier to blame, kudos to you. Sending love and support. :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I would not feel comfortable giving advice here. For me, when I became an active member of the alanon progam attending weekly meetings, working with a sponsor, so many questions I had concerning what to do with relationships in my life were answered partly because of the work I was doing in alanon. I had a knowing that the decision I made to stay in my marriage was a good one for me. Not everyone comes to that conclusion. No one can walk a mile in your shoes. That is why advice can be so harmful.
It is suggested in our literature that you wait six months or more before making a major decision in your life except in matters concerning physical abuse. For me I am so glad I waited because I was ready to walk out the door too. If I walked out, I don't think I was strong enough to keep that boundary. I was reacting, not responding. Today, years later, I cannot tell you how thankful I am to have stayed.
Consider going to six or more alanon meetings before making a decision whether or not alanon is for you. Kudos for going to the open AA meeting. They really were helpful to me when I was new.
At this point, just focus on doing the next right thing 1 day at a time. You will need some time in recovery before figuring out larger issues. Keep it simple...do not try and figure everything out in one day. More will be revealed. The path you are on is going upward and that is what matters right now.
I am so glad you found relief and hope at your first meeting. I know you will find the same acceptance and hope at your first AA meeting as well.
Making changes of any kind can be really scary. Some thoughts that help me make decisions. Take what you like and leave the rest. The longer I take to contemplate and make decisions usually leaves less options to choose from. (this is sometimes in my favor sometimes not) Making the decision to not make a decision is also a decision. (confusing isn't it? It remindsme to be kind to myself and accept that I may not have all the answers right away) Listen for my HP (Higher Power) to offer guidance. (A post here reminded me recently how often I ask for guidance but then forget to spend some time listening for a reply ) How will this help or hinder my serenity? (I ask this alot to find a way to balance my priorities)
Good step for you, and kudos for having the courage to do so...
I would encourage you that you need AA first and foremost - Al-Anon may be in your recovery plan later on, but for now, it can wait.... There is an AA board on this site as well, and tons of meetings in every town.
Best of luck in your journey.
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
It is usually suggested at least here that you make no major life changes for 6 months or more I dont think anyone can answer your question between addiction or love, you have to figure that out for yourself I would have to agree with Tom and suggest you begin your recovery in AA and then work your way into Alanon. Prioritizing is important, so if you are an alcohlic first things first, not much will change until you work that program. You might want to pose your questions on the AA board here, they are better able to help you on that journey Blessings
It was suggested to me to go to alanon meetings and keep coming back here too. Go to meetings, find a sponsor, listen at the meetings, share honestly and keep going. When you work on you, you will feel better. I am told that working the steps can helps us figure out our part in the relationships.... and AA can help you too! There are double winners as we like to call them :) HUGS
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
Aloha Respect...It seems like you have found the "courage to change the thing I can" and while Al-Anon doesn't give advise you have the suggestions from others on what they did that worked for them. Also worked for me so no need for an echo.
From your post I experience that you have now done a first step on your condition..."admitted you are powerless over alcohol and you life has become unmanageable." While you have these experiences with others I'd like to add that you now take an attempt at Step 2 of the program of recovery..."Came to believe that a Power GREATER than ourselves could lead us to sanity." You can do this like you did the first suggestions...you did a meeting and you followed thru on suggestions which worked for you. Keep coming back as we help each other gain more recovery and ask a Higher Power as you understand a Higher Power to help you unconditionally.
You've got courage gal...thanks for bringing it here. (((((hugs)))))
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