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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> won't enter the ring for another round...
Post Info TOPIC: won't enter the ring for another round...
Loupiness


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won't enter the ring for another round...
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My exAH has been in recovery and working a strict program for almost 4 yrs now, and we finally became officially divorced in Jan.  Still a lot of pain around it, but for the most part, the crazy insane part of it all is over. I have come to accept what I cannot change (even though I do not like it) and try to be grateful that his sobriety and lots of AA/therapy make him a good dad.  Our relationship is based solely on what is best for the kids, and we help eachother as able. (This morning he fixed my sprinkler system). I still have resentment that he is still with the person he had an affair with (and cannot guarantee that I won't pummel her if I am ever close enough) and is able to be a partner to her that he never could be to me, but on the other hand recognize that I don't love him. 

Now I struggle with my son, whom I wish I could believe his behavior is all about immaturity, but my gut knows better. He desperately needs counseling, but refuses.  It is easier to be a victim and blame everyone else for his feelings and lack of action.  Nothing horrible has happened, and maybe it won't, but the limbo is making me crazy. Trying hard to disengage, but it is so difficult. He isn't around much, but when he is and initiates communication it is only for his benefit. The crazy-making, manipulative words are a trap for me, and I find I am always a few steps behind thinking, "what just happened?"  I am waiting for him to figure it out or hit a bottom, either way I think I have a very long wait.  I am taking him to dinner tonite so I can discuss details of things coming up.  I am going to try very hard not to talk of him going to school or getting a job.  Just factual stuff.. wish me luck!

Around the same time my ex spiraled down in disease, so did my brother.  Main difference being, my brother did not get into recovery and has progressed in disease.  Initailly, when his marriage was failing, I spoke til I was blue in the face.  After that, I chose not to have contact, which was easy to do since he was in another state.  He just ended a jail stint for failing to pay child support for his 5 kids.  Of course, it wasn't his fault, and God gave him a new life while he was in jail. Uh huh.   I love and communicate with his ex-wife, and I know how crazy he has been. Lots of pot and prescription drugs with the drinking.  Now he has nothing and called my mom and said he is coming back to town. My mom told him he can't stay there, and she refuses to give him money. Thank God.  He called an aunt, and she read him the riot act for not taking care of his kids. Not much sympathy in this town.  Ha!  He then proceeded to tell her that he can live with a 96 year old aunt and ME.  Yes, ME!  I DON'T THINK SO.  So, I really need to pray that HP gives me the words to be loving and kind while I say NO, and don't spout off what is going on in my head... something like,  " are you f***** kidding me?! Nope, I will not enter the ring for another round. 

Luckily I have an al-anon meeting following dinner with my son tonite.  I know I will need it.  Thanks for being here.  And on we go..

Lou

 



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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace.
~ Ronald Reagan~

Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't
~Marguerite Bro~
Pushka


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Hugs, Lou .. enjoy your dinner and your meeting, sounds like a good plan :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Debilyn


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Lou I LOVE your honesty! I apologize but omgosh you made me crack up about pummeling the "adultress" and the are you.......crazy? hahahahha

 You nut. I hope dinner went well. Sometimes it helps to just take them and not get into anything at all.

Just be, u no?  hugs lou, you my dear are so real!



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Jerry F


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We got your back Sis...mean what you say but don't say it mean...not so that we're listening cause we'd love to say it that way ourselves...LOL.  ((((Lou)))) smile



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Otie


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Dear Loup, do you mind saying how old your son is?  You probably have before, but i can't remember.  Thanks---and i am hoping for at least one evening of good vibes between you and your son.  Have walked in your shoes until the heels are worn down and holes in the soles!

Love, Otiesmile



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Loupiness


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My son will turn 18 in a couple of weeks.  I am so not liking this parenting time!  Dinner went okay, as I remained detached and pretty factual. He is a terrible date.  He hasn't been home in a week (since our last blow up) and said he would be soon (I didn't ask) , he just "needs space after thngs go bad".  Actually, he just desires a place where there are absolutely no demands placed on him, and his friend's mom is the perfect enabler. Its funny, that while he has no interest in being a part of the family, he gets all put out when not included in things.  Man, I wish his brain would connect!  It's a tough road, but I am finally coming to acknowledge that this is his path, and he whatever he does at this point needs to be for him not me.  Ouch! 



__________________

Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace.
~ Ronald Reagan~

Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't
~Marguerite Bro~
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