The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi. This is my first post here. I am in the middle of a life I want to run away from and just needed to let some stuff out.
My husband is in a rehab facility for the next 30 days for an addiction to pain meds. It's been on and off for years but in the last 8 months his addiction grew to a level I never thought possible. He sold everything we have of value, stole from me, his sister, his parents, and even our neighbor. My family hates him and wants me to leave. My friends don't understand why I am still here.
This Friday I went out and got very drunk and ending up sleeping with someone else. Now I can't eat because I am so disappointed in myself. I have done this before and am now thinking I should consider myself an alcoholic as well. It's not that I crave alcohol or drink often. But when I do I can't stop. I want to drink enough to make my world disappear. And I'm embarrassed to say how many times this has led to infidelity.
I don't know what to do. Between his addiction and my infidelity it seems this relationship has been nothing but disaster. Yet I miss him. I miss him so much. His hugs used to make my whole world better. He made everything okay.
Is there anyway this relationship can be saved? Can we ever be healthy together? Or after 8 years of a life of chaos is it time to give up? If I stay I am at risk of losing my relationship with my family. If I leave I lose him.
I am just needing some guidance. I went to church this morning and am going to an al-anon meeting today at 4. Hoping that will bring me some sanity and direction.
Is there anyway this relationship can be saved? Can we ever be healthy together? Or after 8 years of a life of chaos is it time to give up? If I stay I am at risk of losing my relationship with my family. If I leave I lose him.
Welcome Respect,
I am glad you found MIP. There is so much wisdom and sharing of experience to be had here. As you already stated you were going to a meeting this afternoon I can only offer suggestions of trying at least 6 meetings before deciding whether or not they are for you, read as much literature as you can, gather information on addiction cycles and effects and share here as needed.
There are no simple answers to your first and third question, although working the program allows for those decisions to become easier to make with clear and calm thoughts. Your second question is easier, it is possible to have a healthy relationship but only when the two people in the relationship are actively seeking to be healthy within themselves. At least that is my opinion from the relationships where both parties are in recovery I have seen. Keep coming back.
Aloha Respect and welcome to the board. Obviously you have learned and accepted that you will not be judged here and you will receive suggestion...one being get to the meeting rooms of Al-Anon which you probably already have done. Hope it turned many lights on in your head and heart as it did for me when I first got here.
Wanna know if you are alcoholic...take the 43 question test. You can find it on line..."Am I an alcoholic" ...and the test will come up. Use what you find in an honest way to help you cause that test won't inform anyone else but you and no one else is going to be able to do anything about "your" problem.
There are many members of Al-Anon who are also members of AA...we're called "doubles". That is not a title of respect or accomplishment other than we have found out the we have existed on both sides of the disease fence...We have no control over our own addiction while at the same time try to help others to control theirs. Either way that is not sane we are powerless and our lives become unmanageable and so do the lives of others around us. Our lives become messes.
Get "into" the program...all the way into the program. Listen for the suggestions from those who have recovery over time (old timers) and get as much literature as you can from the literature table and read it all. Keep going back to the meetings and listen, learn and practice, practice, practice what is working for the membership. That is what you also desire...something that works better than what you are doing now. This is "your" problem it is a consequence of what you have thought, felt and done to yourself...good news!! It is only temporary if you enter and work this program as best you can.
Now go find and take that "Am I an alcoholic" test...dependent on what you find out there is also an AA board at this MIP site...click on and read. We're in support of your solutions, serenity and sobriety cause we already know that your shoes fit soooo snugly. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
Hugs and what the other two folks have already said. Welcome and keep coming back. :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Thank you everyone. I went to my first al-anon meeting this evening and it was awesome. I met some really great people. Mostly I felt relief that other people have had the same unimaginable stories happen in their lives and that they are okay.
I haven't taken the "am I an alcoholic" test yet but plan to do so after this post.
