The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Almost 6 years ago I attended my first meeting. Eight ladies and me. I was as crazy as we all are when I arrived, and I didn't have a clue. All six of those ladies still attend along with 6 or 7 more. They raised me in the program. One of the ladies in particular took me under her wing. She freely gave me what the program had given her. Her husband had been sober for 11 years and I wondered at the time why she felt the need to continue coming to meetings. I give her so much credit for where I am today. I owe her so much. She is a rock. If they gave out Black Belts in this program, she would have one.
Now 6 years later her husband has been sober for 17 years. She received her 22 year Al-Anon chip a few weeks ago. This past Tuesday night she shared that on Saturday July 2nd her husband started drinking again. He has been drunk everyday since. He hadn't attended AA in several years and said he wasn't going back because it wouldn't set a good example for all the new members there trying to stay sober. He told his wife if she left him he would go into the woods behind their house and blow his head off..................
She told him she was 67, had lived with alcoholic parents, and then him drinking until the age of 50, and now she had no intention of living the remainder of her life as she did the first 50 years, that it is his choice to drink or not drink. But if he continued to drink one of them would be leaving, there is no middle ground, it's as simple as black and white. If you decide you want to end your life that is your choice, I have control over no one but me. The last thing she said was life is short...................
I could tell by her voice and the expression on her face she meant every word she said.
This disease continues to amaze me. It's always there, though dormant it never dies, it's always lurking...........Cunning, Baffling, and Powerful.
When the meeting was over I gave her a hug and I didn't say another word to her......I didn't have to.
RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Thursday 7th of July 2011 06:55:28 PM
That's probably the scariest scenario in my mind is my AH starting when he is a lot older and of course that is a very real possibility. I've told myself this is the very reason I need to keep going to alanon so I have my head on straight for whatever comes my way. Hugs and thanks for the share.
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
How scary for her....but how lucky for her that she has the strength of the program to fall back on. I have personally known a couple of alcoholics who have killed themselves - one by hanging and one with a shotgun. It is sad and cowardly to commit suicide, but the disease does such damage to the brain. They see no other solution. I heard a doctor say that the chemicals permanently re-wire the brain. I believe it. I'm so sorry, too, that you have to even hear about this stuff.
I am so sorry to hear this and will pray for your fellow member and friend.
I agree this disease is always lurking- I have lived with my son who would not go back to AA because he had 13 years and did not want to discourage others.
This disease also lurks for me and wants me dead. Your friend sounds strong
In my thoughts
-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 8th of July 2011 07:07:21 AM
I'm doing what HotRod is doing Rod...cause I'm also powerless and you're right as rain. Cunning, Powerful and Baffling and pacing back and forth always ready to spring. Chance are if he doesn't make it back to the rooms it will kill him. Cunning Powerful Baffling and Fatal. Good you brought that here ((((hugs))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Thursday 7th of July 2011 11:54:55 PM
Thanks for sharing that (very real) story.... I can admire the strength and conviction of your friend through your words..... The longer we are in this program, we realize there are happy endings, tragic endings, and everything in between..... Sounds to me like your friend is definitely a 'miracle in progress', and who knows - maybe her hubby is as well...
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
That is such a powerful story one of which I have heard in my face to face meetings from fellow members. The pain and strength of your friend can be felt through cyberspace.
The though I had after I read your post was alanon has taught me to love alcoholics enough to let go of them. For me it has been that detaching with love which was the most difficult because I felt like I was dying inside.
I always need to hear these stories because it helps me remember what I was like in the program when I came in. Thank you for the powerful share RLC. I will say a prayer for your friend.
Wow what a strong lady! I am still new and feel so weak, but I know I am so much stronger than the first of the year when I found Al-anon. I just keep cleaning house within and slowly but surely I feel more confident and am taking better care of myself these days. I will send prayers to her and her hubby!
__________________
God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
RCL, Thanks for sharing this woman's experience. I recall how ignorant I was of the disease after my ex-AH's first rehab. I thought all was well since he stopped drinking. We could go home and have that happy life I've been wanting for all those years.
Fastforward to his 3rd rehab about a month ago, I realize that the disease will "always be lurking." I really, really "get it" now. (Thanks to Al-Anon f2f meetings.)
Your friend's story is an excellent reminder. She is a wonderful role model to us who are dealing with this disease.
Thanks again for sharing.
__________________
You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
I too go to the same meeting as RLC and this woman is so brave and strong. She has been on my mind every night this week. I am the youngest in my group and her stories always give me something to apply to my life. She is like a rock in the ocean no matter how many waves crash on her she is smooth on the outside and just keeps getting stronger on the inside. She stays the same no matter what life throws at her and is still a kind loving woman and my prayers and love go out to her.
-- Edited by MDK on Friday 8th of July 2011 10:12:07 AM
OMG~the threat of suicide to manipulate, and the faulty judgement to say one cant return to meetings becz it will discourage others. The older I get the more I realize how little I know. I am so grateful to have found this alanon message board. Lyne
