The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When my A hurts me, or I allow myself to be hurt, my mind gets stuck on the hurt and plays it over and over and over again. Sometimes I can get rid of it in a day, and sometimes it takes a few weeks. I guess I joined the message board 2 or 3 wks ago. My mind raced for at least 2 wks from the last episodes of lying and drinking. Now I am calmer, but distant. Have I detached with love? I don't know. I'm definately detached. I don't think I feel the love. I'm so disappointed. I expected so much more from "us." I know I still have me. I'm very sad. Lyne
For me to stop any form of obsessive thinking I turn to strong affirmations, going to meetings, talking to friends in the program, and a gratitude list to help redirect my attitude. Those things often help me when I get that stinkin' thinking rolling around in the brain. With writing a gratitude list on paper, I am able to see what is right with this picture rather than to obsess on what is wrong with my life.
What I focus on I make real. When I focus on the problem, it grows. When I turn my attention toward my HP and the gifts he has for me, I am able to gain a powerful new perspective on my life.
The best definition of detachment I've found (this is paraphrased) Detachment: A healthy neutrality. We learn to love so we do not hurt ourselves. We live in the present moment. We allow life to happen instead of forcing it. We give up regrets over the past and the future. It also means accepting reality. The premiss is each person is responsible for themselves. We can't solve problems that are not ours to solve. We keep our hands to ourselves and deal with what is our issue/s. We allow ourselves and others to live our lives the best we can. We focus on the good in our lives and feel grateful.
What tommyecat said about staying busy and distracting our "stinking thinking" (I love that phrase .. lol!). Slogans for me are big. Easy Does It, Halt is a big one now too. It sounds like you are detached emotionally and that's not the same as being detached with love. It's ok to be there so you can find your way to detaching with love. You have been hurt and it's a natural reaction to want to shut down. It's just important not to stay there to long.
Hugs P:)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
That might be detachment with dis-interest Lyne...One of the three detachment phases I went thru. Detach with anger....detach with dis-interest....detach with love. What ever way you're doing it as long as it keeps you out of the insanity its better than not. Keep working your program. ((((hugs))))
By the way...when you get detachment down good you'll be able to think better; not obsessively.
Thank you so much for all the wonderful suggestions. I like the phrase "stinkin thinkin" and will remind myself of that when I get stuck. What does HALT mean? Yes, I think I have detached with anger/dis-interest. I'm far from the love! Lyne
Thank you so much for all the wonderful suggestions. I like the phrase "stinkin thinkin" and will remind myself of that when I get stuck. What does HALT mean? Yes, I think I have detached with anger/dis-interest. I'm far from the love! Lyne
Lyne, HALT - Hungry, Angry, Loney, Tired :) It's a check point if you are feeling out of balance with the program. Or that's my interpretation of it. :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
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