The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband is an alcoholic and I have been thinking about going to a meeting for a long time but I am nervous about it. Will everyone in the room have been going for a long time? I don't want to feel like the new person...I don't talk to hardly anyone about the things I go through and when I do I cry....and I do not want to cry in front of strangers. I'm just afraid of being embarassed and uncomfortable there...will someone who had the same fears let me know what it is like?
Hi, I have been going to f2f meetings for 11 years as of July 5, so I started in year 2000. At a typical meeting there will be someone there who just started last week, someone who just started last month, someone who has 3 or 4 months, someone who has a year..... get the picture. There are all amounts of experience, strength and hope (ESH) in the room at one time. Newcomers and those who have been around a little longer. I don't consider myself as having any more ESH than anyone else in the room. In fact I like it when we have new people and they have a new slant on things. I can learn a lot from them.
And don't worry about crying. We all do. In fact, you start and I continue it. We are a bunch of compassionate, considerate people. We cry a lot, we laugh a lot. We care about eachother a whole lot!
I understand the fear and would also like to add that there are Beginners meetings where the tools of the program are discussed Many non beginners attend these meetings as well because they focus on the constructive tools of the program
You can look in your meeting book beginner meetings are indicated with a:"B'
Step meetings that work on the Steps are so noted
You are urged to try 6 different meetings before deciding if alanon is for you. You do not have to talk, I sat
and listened for a very long time. I did not waste my time I was absorbing information, feeling safe in the room, learning to just listen
Trust the process, pray for courage and walk in the door You are worth It
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 4th of July 2011 09:20:11 PM
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 4th of July 2011 10:16:02 PM
I'm somewhat of a newcomer too! I started going to f2f meetings last year, but stopped going d/t feeling like "the new person" and because of my mother dying around the time I started. I have started reading literature and going to some online meetings and I find my fears are starting to slip away. I am looking forward to going to some meetings, but at the moment I have no car so can't go. But my advice to you is to attend some of the online meetings and getting information on how the f2f meetings are ran so that way when you do decide to go, you'll feel a little more comfortable.
I felt exactly like you did when I finally got so uncomfortable that I wanted anything to make me feel better so I went to a meeting. I had all the concerns you do about going to my first meeting. When I got there I felt so very welcomed and at home. I am a 6'4" man and I cried that night. Nobody laughed, no body judged, and I soon came to find out that everyone their knew exactly what I was feeling because they had been there and all of them were feeling better. Going to my first alanon meeting was one of the most important and rewarding decisions of my life.
Don't sweat the small stuff as you have read everyone has felt that way at their first meeting. I don't know to many people who don't cry at their first meeting I know I did, then it passes with sweet relief. I felt and feel better at each and every meeting I attend. You don't have to share if you don't want to no one is going to make you feel as if you have to, you either do or don't it's really up to you.
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I cried like a baby at my first meeting. I mean CRIED!!! Everyone was so nice and they told me that it was ok and that they knew I was hurting. I'm not gonna lie I felt kind of embarassed but now that I look back, I really don't care because I'm sure they all have cried at meetings too.
I went to another meeting and a few members new and old cried when they shared.
Let your tears flow and where they go, let your sorrows follow.
I love MIP but when you go to a f2f meeting you can feel the emotions of the other members that share their stories and its so powerful. I am still exploring the different types of meetings out there and finding a place where I feel most at home. I hope that you can find a place where you feel comfortable as well.
GOOD LUCK! xoxoxo
__________________
I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once.
I'll echo what everyone else has said and tell you that you will feel so welcomed and so free from being judged by the people in that meeting that you won't care if you cry. In my home group we are quite prepared for that anyway -- there is a big box of tissues available.
I didn't cry at my first meeting, despite the fact that my ABF had just had a spectacularly disastrous relapse and my mother had died a month and a half previously. I was at the end of my rope emotionally, and I was completely numb. So mostly what I felt was relief and hope. I walked out of that meeting much lighter in spirit than I had walked in, and I kept going back.
There is usually quite a mixture of people in attendance, from seasoned old-timers to newbies. One thing in my area (that may not hold true for others) is that the vast majority of members are women; we seldom get men at our meeting, and they do tend to drift over to another meeting that has a few regular male members.
__________________
Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could... Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
The first meeting I went to, I was just curious what they talked about there, I hadn't found MIP yet and I just knew that Alanon was for people who knew someone who drank alot. I stopped going because I though I could handle it on my own after just a few meetings. Even after I found MIP and came here for a while, I left here too, then came back, because I need this board too. I was welcomed back here *under my new name* but those that I trust know the real me and they all accepted me back with loving arms. I go to a regular weekly meeting now. But walking into that meeting for the first time in April was very scarey. I was on my knees so to speak because I had given up and had no idea how to do anything anymore about my qualifier. Guess what? The room welcomed me, even though they didn't know me (I had never gone to this meeting), people welcomed me, got me some pamphlets, phone numbers and I even got some hugs after the meeting. I am learning to really listen to the sharing going on and to start applying the tools and slogans to my life. I read my daily readers and Getting Them Sober. And I call people. I am on the look out for a sponsor now. There are more men the women, and the men that do come are usually what they call "double winners" which means they are from AA and need alanon too! Take care of you!
__________________
-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
You feel like most people, I think. It's a scary thing, to admit that all is not well and to take steps to find a better way.
In my group, we have newcomers all the time. We take good care not to put them on the spot - just ask their name, and if it's a discussion meeting, when it's their turn the moderator always asks if they would like to speak. Most people don't on their first meeting, and that's okay. Our moderators will usually ask someone to give the newcomer a packet of program information at the end of the meeting. If you're comfortable, the meeting after the meeting will be very helpful - you can learn some people's names and people will be nice to you. If you're anything like I was, just having someone be nice to me was very welcomed.
I'm really shy, and the whole sharing in meetings thing was painful for me. Even when it was my turn to say my name, I would blush beet red and wish the floor would open up so I could hide. I'd spent my whole life trying not to get noticed for any reason - good or bad. I think it was at least 9 months before I shared anything. That was okay, too. Nobody pressured me. I've grown in the program. I have a little more than 3 years now. When I had about 2.5 years, I shared my story at an open AA/Alanon meeting. That was just inconceivable when I first started going.
I didn't understand what was going on at my first meeting, and that's also normal and okay. Just go back a few times, and the concepts will start to sink in.
Glad to "see" you and to "hear" that you're thinking of attending a meeting. Looking forward to hearing how it went!
It took me a long time to get to a meeting - I was aware of Al-Anon for at least two years before walking through the door of my first meeting. I did not want to be there but I heard two things - attend at least 6 meetings before making up your mind if al-anon is for you - keep coming back - so I did.
It took me time to open up and it took my time to cry but oh the relief - I really felt the love in that room and do in pretty well every meeting I attend whether my home group or other groups. I now have some lovely friends in al-anon - I finally understood unconditional love. I have learned how to laugh and cry - to feel safe - to neither judge or be judged. I learnt that my recovery is helped by love and service. I continue to learn and grow with every meeting I attend.
This is a miracle - I can struggle day to day - get stuck in my obsessions but that just means I need more meetings, or when not able to attend go to this board and still feel the love.
