The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My sponsor thought it might be a good idea if I could get others' opinion and experiences on how they dealt with step 9. I was hoping I could get some insight on how some of you went about making "direct" amends to people you couldn't or shouldn't make amends to. There are people I shouldn't make amends to because it might cause people harm and there are some that are deceased.
I understand the concept of living amends, changing your behavior and not returning to the destructive behavior. I've heard of people writing letters and not sending them. Stuff like that. I'm just hoping to get some insights on how some of you handled this issue or if you simply didn't do anything other than change your behavior and made living amends. Thanks.
-- Edited by surfingmaestro on Monday 4th of July 2011 07:24:30 PM
I found living amends were very powerful and freed me from the unnecessary guilt I was carrying.
I also, prayed for those I could not make direct amends to and have made charitable donations in their honor to a charity I knew they loved Like the ASPCA or Salvation Army. I do like to keep it simple
I visualize it in a prayerful and meditative state. I had to pray to be shown by HP what forgiveness is, feels like and how it acts. I have to accept the past before I can forgive it. When I forgive someone else, I always have to forgive me first for having the pain, expectations or negative (judgmental) thoughts in the first place. I usually have to forgive me for trusting people who are not trustworthy and/or seeeking validations from them.
Let go and let god, means I hand it over and surrender control of it to HP/god and I stop trying to be other people's HP's.
I heard a cool meditation once that says- go into your heart and focus on loving energy. Then see the people that hurt you (or u hurt) in your heart with the love. Accept they did the best they could at the time with what they had, knowing the past cannot be erased. Offer the people to their HP/God because you are not it and allow them to go to their HP/God. Apologize to them, you and god for trying to control. See them nodding and smiling, accepting your apology and being at peace. See the people in a balloon and after you apologize to them and own up to what you did, release them from your heart up through your head and out of it- in the balloon floating right up to their HP.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
You can always talk to someone, directly from within your heart to theirs. Imagine it a lovely conversation, filled with unconditional love. Imagine it a totally peaceful talk, filled with acknowlegment, acceptance and fondness flowing back and forth between you. Imagine it healing you both, and washing over you in golden white sparkling light. Imagine everything falling into place.
