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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> New here - needed to vent
Post Info TOPIC: New here - needed to vent
MixedFeelings


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New here - needed to vent
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I'm new to this so bare with me. I just really needed a place to vent. My husband admitted himself into a 10 month rehab program last thursday. He's been a drug addict for about 19 years. It started with heroin in his teens and is now opiates and all kinds of pain killers. I left him 2 years ago, got a divorce, and moved away because I couldn't handle it (I was dealing with my own mental health issues and addiction to pot). He begged me to come back and after he got sober and was sober for a while I did and we rekindled our relationship. About a month ago I started to suspect he was using again but he denied it even tho I said I would stay I just wanted him to be honest. Eventually the truth came about and he said he would go to rehab. We have a 4 year old daughter and another daughter due Oct 21st. It really seems different this time. He's never admitted he was an addict outloud to me before and he's never been to a rehab so I do believe this time he may be serious about stopping for good. I know it's a long road ahead but I love him and the time we were divorced and apart nearly killed me. Now he will be gone for ten months and I know it's needed and I'm happy he's getting help but I'm pregnant and alone. Since tomorrow is a holiday I can go visit him but after that its no contact for 30 days. After that besides a once a month visit I can only write to him. I'm really depressed. I am getting over my anger - I should mention that he blew through over $5000 before the truth came out; ome was our savings, some was stolen from the company he and my step dad started. I'm slowly forgiving again. My parents are doing the same. But I'm falling into a deep depression and I don't know how to stay positive. I'm scared. I'm stressed. I'm trying to stay calm because I know it's not good for the baby or my daughter but I can't help but breaking down over and over (which may be partly pregnancy hormones) I'm not sure what im even looking for on here. I just know I needed a place to vent and I somehow stumbled onto this site.

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MixedFeelings


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Guess I was looking for a nar anon group. Sorry for the wrong post. My husband has had drinking problems in the past but since he's quit that the drugs got worse

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hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

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Hi Mixed feelings

You are welcome to our recovery group here  on MIP .  Many alcoholics switch addictions. The tools that apply to the family members are applicable regardless of the drug of choice.  

I am so sorry that you are burdened by so much while you are planning on welcoming your new daughter.  You are right, you must take care of you. 

 Please find face to face meetings in your community.  You will break the isolation, develop new tools to enrich your life and learn how to keep the focus on yourself.

Keep  coming back 



-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 4th of July 2011 07:19:22 AM

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Betterfuture


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Hi and welcome.

I'm sorry to hear about your current situation. This is the perfect place to vent knowing that you will not be judged. :) Reading other members posts have been very beneficial towards my recovery. I am fairly new and have alot of questions as well as to what to do and what can I do. The alnon pamphlets have helped me quite a bit I recommend looking into a place near you where they provide these. I just googled alanon and typed in my area and found f2f meetings in my area as well as othe links that were informative.

wishing you the best..

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pinkchip


~*Service Worker*~

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You stumbled onto Alanon because that is where you need to go. Find some F2F meetings and build some healthy supports. It will truly be the best thing for you. You don't have to do this alone.

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Pushka


~*Service Worker*~

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Hello and welcome, keep coming back there is a reason that this program works. :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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yes sometimes HP works that way! Stumbles you into something!

This is perfect for you to be here. We learn how to take care of us even though our loved one may be using, in recovery, drinking whatever.

We would love to be part of your recovery here at mip! Believe me nothing you say is new, we relate!

I hope you will stick here! Its the most caring, safe place I know besides cuddling with my Basset hound!

Love,debilyn tossing Otie the duct tape to tape you to your chair!! (c:



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
MixedFeelings


Newbie

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Thank you all for the kind words. It's nice to know I'm not alone in all this.

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xeno59


~*Service Worker*~

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My son is an addict rather than an alcohlic and you stumbled into the right place. Addiction is addiction
Pls find some meetings in your area as they will be a huge souce of love and comfort to you especially as you are pregnant and have a little one.
My son did Jail rehab 10 months and I surely threw myself into my program while he was there. I knew he was safe, sober, eating etc. And without the distraction of living 24/7 with an active addict it did me a world of good mentally and physically. So I really hope you use this time for YOU. Let your husband work his program while you work yours.
You are definitly not alone and feel free to join us in our online meetings twice daily. They are great and you will find instant love, support and ESH (experince, strenght and hope )
All the best in your recovery
Blessings

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MixedFeelings


Newbie

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I saw him on monday and for the first time in a really long time he looked healthy and seemed to have a clear head. I miss him very much and it is really hard not having him around. I know he needs to be away I just hope he realizes he is not the only one who is suffering. I heard about a face to face meeting not too far from where I live so I may check that out next week. I've never been one to ask for help or reach out but I know I can't keep doing this by myself.

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Pushka


~*Service Worker*~

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MixedFeelings wrote:

I've never been one to ask for help or reach out but I know I can't keep doing this by myself.

 What is the usual trigger of going to a meeting is basically being at the end of our emotional rope.  The other thing is thinking we can handle it all and we've been handling it all and it usually isn't working so well. My pain finally outweighed the emotional payout I was getting in my AH's addiction circus. 

What you have stated it pretty much step one.  You have admitted you are powerless.  I'm sure he knows the suffering he is causing as well as caused, the bigger thing is for you to get the tools so you can start working on your own recovery.  Hugs and keep up the good work :)



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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
stephaniej


Senior Member

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MixedFeelings, I totally understand the difficulty in dealing with addiction, physical distance, and pregnancy/small kids.

My AH became active again while I was pregnant with our son, who is now 1. He spent most of my pregnancy and our son's first year working several hundred miles away, with visits home 1-2 weekends a month. I also have two older kids from my first marriage. It was so overwhelming to deal with my co-dependency, his addiction, kids, work, and a pregnancy/baby. I found this group last October, when I was at my own personal rock bottom.

I ask my HP to help me see the next step on my path to a healthier life and worldview. I ask for the strength to get from one minute to the next. And this program and this group of people have done more for me in 9 months than the rest of my 36 years combined.

Keep coming back. You are not alone. On my worst days, I listen to Alicia Keys' song "Superwoman." Give it a try.

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