The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been away from here too long and it's wonderful to read all of your posts. Still struggling, trying to constantly remind myself to butt out of my AH's recovery (or lack thereof, as the case may be). Still feeling lonely and isolated, tried reaching out to friends but everyone is busy. I am still lacking confidence to make new friends but added another meeting to my schedule so now I go to 3. Looking forward to church in the morning, if I can ever fall asleep tonight. My husband is working as a night doorman for a very high end condominium that I worked on (I put him in touch with management and they called him to work as a substitute) and I suspect he's been drinking before going. His intensive outpatient counselor called to tell him that he tested positive for alcohol one day last week. He hasn't gone to an AA meeting in almost a week and he blames work. At least he's bringing in some money. I'm trying to keep my head up! Bought myself a fresh lobster today an threw it on the grill for dinner then sat outside under the stars watching tv and feeling the breeze. Heavenly but lonely.
Thanks to you all for being here!
__________________
--Mare
Grateful member of Al Anon
"Live in and for the day, each and every day, starting right now."
Janet Geringer Woititz, Ed.D., "Marriage on the Rocks: Learning to Live with Yourself and
an Alcoholic."
Hang in there. You are doing all the right things. I see you are practicing self care in your post. I have found it most helpful to ask my higher power to come a little closer to me when I feel alone or afraid. Right now I am going through another fourth step as I discovered that I have fears that have surfaced which do nothing but edge my HP out. I am not teachable when my feelings and fears run the show. Yesterday I sat down in my prayer and meditation and decided to grow my God. That is write down everything my HP is and take a good look at it. When I visually see He is big enough, I can relax and take it easy when I make that third step decision.
Thanks for the words of encouragement. I desperately need to find a sponsor and really start working the steps - I need to put the focus on me and not the empty half pint vodka bottle I just found in my husband's backpack! Proof that he was drinking on the job. Sigh. It's a stormy day here in NYC so my plans to hit coney island today are thwarted. Lucky for me I live 5 blocks from some of the most spectacular museums in the world so I guess I'll spend some time getting my culture on! Going to focus today on NOT confronting my husband about the bottle I just found and doing fun and vacationy things for me!
__________________
--Mare
Grateful member of Al Anon
"Live in and for the day, each and every day, starting right now."
Janet Geringer Woititz, Ed.D., "Marriage on the Rocks: Learning to Live with Yourself and
an Alcoholic."
You're doing what you can, which is taking care of you. I'm sorry your AH has relapsed. Best thing you can do is get out of his way so that there is room for his HP. (Jerry once told me that!)
I hope you enjoy your Sunday!
__________________
You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
All you can do is the best that you can do and it really sounds like you are doing a great job!! I always look to loneliness as a way to motivate myself to do just what you are doing something different to put myself outside of my comfort zone nothing drastic, going to a different meeting, doing something I know I would not be doing if I chose to react in my normal way. Doing nothing about something is one of the hardest things I am learning to do.
P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Confronting him about his drinking is not the full issue here. You brought up a complicated scenario.... This is also about his bad judgement, immaturity, and disrespect of you. Those are relationship issues. You utilized a connection of yours to help him and he is souring YOUR reputation by drinking on the job (same as if he was coming in late or texting on the phone all night or whatever). He has crossed a boundary not just by drinking, but by burning bridges that you built yourself. Tough one I know because, if you hadn't used your connection, he would probably not be working at all.
He'd be working, just not at this job which is very easy and pays well. I've got to just let it play itself out - it's not in my control and he's not (so far) offending anyone or doing anything awful. Fortunately, it's the overnight shift so he doesn't really run into too many people or have too much to do. I'd just be horrified if there was some kind of emergency and he couldn't handle it. But he's a big boy - he can take care of himself, I guess.
__________________
--Mare
Grateful member of Al Anon
"Live in and for the day, each and every day, starting right now."
Janet Geringer Woititz, Ed.D., "Marriage on the Rocks: Learning to Live with Yourself and
an Alcoholic."
