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Has anyone ever experienced total hostility from good friends (I'd consider them family) about going to alanon? I'm a little taken a back from a response I got from someone I care about and value dearly. In all fairness they are aware of what I have been through, know from their own experience of dealing with an A. They do not live near me and I have known them for many lifetimes. We have always been extremely close no matter what the distance.
If you have experienced it, how have you handled it?
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
It's happened to me and i dealt with it by letting that person have their opinion, feelings and emotions about alanon and I went about my business. I started feeling better by going to alanon and that is all I cared about. What other people think about me and what I do with my time isn't any of my business, it's their business. My family that was concerned with alanon thought I was joining a cult and some other hogwash about people attending alanon because they need a crutch to deal with life. Yep! As we got along further down the road I learned that they had alcoholic friends that blamed alanon for the demise of their marriage. Let people think what they think. Alanon is your business, keep it that way, and focus on yourself. When you really start feeling better they will notice and that will speak volumes.
Thank you that's kind of what I thought I just was thinking wow out of anyone I guess I just figured they would be more supportive. So it just caught me off guard. I had to laugh when I read your response about the cult stuff because that was pretty much what I was told. Thank you again!! I DO feel better. I have found that I have a capacity for happiness that I had no idea I even knew how to feel.
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Pushka...How surfing responded is very very near what and how I was taught also and what I still do today. My recovery doesn't demand that others verify it only that it will and does work for me. Keep on keeping on...(((hugs)))
My sister's husband is also an alcoholic. He tends to neglect her and the kids which is totally hurting my sister. I told her about al-anon and how much it has helped me but she seems to ignore that i even say anything about it. Infact she kinda gets a weird attitude whenever I mention it.
Last week my dad was telling me how happy he was I'm learning how to deal with my situation positively by seeking help. Well at first he thought it was so I can FIX my AH but when I told him what it was about he was intrigued by the idea. My sister was sitting w/ us and he asked her to just try it but she thought it was some sort of cult too. lol
*My girlfriend also thought that al-anon is another program you can do in lieu of AA but in al anon she stated "instead of whining about your feelings its where you can get antabuse."
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I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once.
Alanon works in all aspects of our life and as we change our behavior some people don't like it ( Not just the A's). As stated above my favorite saying is What other people think of me is non of my business and thats how I live my life now. Many people subcribe to the "cult " thinking and I don't bother defending my fellowship in alanon You also mentioned that some of these people have had thier own experiences in dealing with addiction if I read that right and they may feel threatened by a different way of handling it. I know many people who would benefit from Alanon and i don't mind sharing my experince with it hoping to plant the seed for them but then I let it drop. I don't spend my time "recruiting'people to join or explore the possibities of alanon. I plant the seed, if they are willing I can watch it grow if they are not ready I leave it alone. Just keep doing whats right for you Blessings
There is so much truth in what every one has written, xeno you are right on when you talk about being threatened. I'm not a pushy person on specific aspects of my life religion and/or alanon. I'm a if someone asks me I will talk about it, I prefer to have someone say they like the way I live my life and want to know how or why. Ironically I had not even mentioned alanon for the past few times we've spoken. So this was deliberate on their part. Maybe this friendship has just run it's course, I would never cut them off as they are important to me, I guess I just limit the amount of time we speak.
Ironically, my AH had a dream that night and it basically boiled down to an alternate universe, he got there first it must have been nice to because he really wanted to stay and you could only stay if you had a job there which he couldn't get one. I showed up and had a job already so I was going to stay. He was told by "this woman" I was with that they weren't so sure about him however to keep trying maybe next time. It was all so weird to hear him verbalize some of this because of this original situation. I had not shared with him about it. Only because my friend, my issue kind of thing. I did tell him at that point, and we actually had a good laugh about it. The sheer ironic of it all was mind boggling. Two people who are so much a part of my life having similar insecurities and I realized that I've made a lot of changes. More so this summer I think because with the kids are home I need more grounding than under a normal day. Plus I'm dealing with an elderly mother and grandma and they are on the other side of the country. I'm not on meltdown and that's the most important thing. It just validated how different I have been and people in my life are noticing and that's a good thing.
-- Edited by Pushka on Sunday 3rd of July 2011 10:22:44 AM
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Most, if not all, of my family & friends think I just need to divorce him, get away and never look back - I don't have a drinking problem, why should I have to go to al-anon? They don't want to understand that there are several things at play - that just divorcing one A doesn't guarantee I'll not end up back in the same boat with another A next time; they don't understand the emotional ties I have with him - they've not see the man that won my heart; and, they don't have the small glimmer of hope that I do that he will find sobriety and peace. They haven't lived my life of trying everything they can think of to reach a better outcome until all hope seems lost and in sorrow and desparation looking for answers and finding solace, comfort, strength and hope in the words of those who have gone before us. They don't understand the conflicting emotions of love and hate for this man - heck, sometimes I don't understand it either!
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
*My girlfriend also thought that al-anon is another program you can do in lieu of AA but in al anon she stated "instead of whining about your feelings its where you can get antabuse."
ROFL -- that's hilarious!
Long before I joined Al-Anon, my ABF was joking about what he called "the Al-Anon handshake" which is a pointed finger shaking in admonition.
Funny, when I got to Al-Anon I learned that admonishing an A for their behaviour is the exact opposite of Al-Anon priniciples!
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Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could... Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
