The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today at a meeting, I shared about my difficulties with taking step two as an atheist, and how I was resolving that issue by using Buffy the Vampire Slayer as my higher power. And people laughed.
I was really hurt by that. This had been a very real, personal struggle for me, and I was completely serious about making Buffy my higher power because I really do feel an emotional connection to what she represents. After the meeting I was holding back tears because I was so upset that people had laughed at that!
When people were talking after the meeting, I asked a friend if what I'd said had sounded really crazy. She said no, and that she had laughed because I'd said "Buffy's fictional, so I can look to her for guidance but she's not going to be able to boss me around or judge me" and that she could very much identify with having struggled with the same things when working step two. A couple other women from our group heard us talking and chimed in. One said "we laughed because you were laughing"... and I realized that I probably *had* been laughing... I giggle when I'm nervous or embarassed!
So nobody was laughing at me or my concept of a higher power. I'm glad I talked to people after the meeting and figured that out... if I'd just gone with my worst-case assumptions and tried to sneak quietly out of the room after the meeting, I probably would never have come back.
So what could have been a horrible day instead was just a lesson/reminder to check the facts instead of going with my own worst assumptions. And the outcome of today was entirely in my hands -- my reaction to the situation (whether to leave in tears vs. talk to people after the meeting) was the deciding factor in whether it ended with a good or bad outcome. That's the "the courage to change the things I can" part, because what I can change/control is *me*.
It's ironic how our imagination or interpretation of a specific situation can be our own worst enemy, especially when it comes to taking things personally. Good for you on "confronting" the issue at hand instead of sulking away (I'm a pouter), it just goes to show our worst fear is not always the reality we make it to be and we always have the power of choice. :) you have no idea how much your post touched me thank you!
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I do the same thing when i share things that are very important or really a share of my emotions. I try to make them not seem as such a big deal or if others feel that my input or opinion is silly, at least I look like I know it too. Why do we do that? I think that's another thing I'd like to work on is ownership of my feelings and view points. I struggle with step 2 as well. Not so much because I don't have a solid grasp of what I believe in, but because I noticed so many of my al-anon meetings were in churches and I have never felt comfortable in one. I was always afraid that it would turn into some sort of preachy thing where people would try to "convert me" rather than let me have a comfortable feel with my own spirituality. I thank you for your post as it lets me know that I am not the only one struggling too with what seems, to me, to come so easy to others.
I did get nervous the other day when I read a post someone had posted regarding catholic beliefs and al-anon. It almost made me feel uncomfortable about posting. I REALLY wanted to go off, but then I stopped and started to think. I was reading this person's post by choice, and by choice it means that I may expose myself to things I don't believe in or care to hear. If at any time I feel uncomfortable I can simply click the back button. Which goes to me finding my serenity. I had the courage to change my instinctual reaction and I could change what I was reading. Reflecting back I feel bad for my instant judgement. It was wrong of me, but it is a lesson that I have learned and I will take with me.
I wish you nothing but the best of progress and commend you for really being so committed that you have found your own HP in order for you to begin to heal.
You are so right, and I do this all the time. I take everything personally. Good for you for staying after and getting some imput :) I love the talks after the meetings, thats where the meat is :)
__________________
-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
Atheos: Glad you shared on this topic. I've experienced similar situation in the past. Like you, I was hurt. After the meeting, some members approached me to clarify things. They saw my body language and realized I was not a happy camper. What was said to me was, "we are laughing with you and not at you." That is one way we show our support. It was a an awakening for me. The "committee" in my head had it all wrong. As I visited other meetings, I've noticed that laughter is widely used in meetings. Now, I have adopted the same methodology as well. It is my way of showing support, understanding, and unconditional love. Thanks for sharing. Hugs to you.
I think this is a good post for long timers and newcomers alike. I know I laugh in meetings mostly because I have said, felt, or done something exactly like what was shared by another member in the meeting. It is nice to see another reflection of me in the face to face rooms of alanon.
It is so special that you shared what happened today because you were able to discern two perspectives one from a newcomers eyes as well as from other members in the group. Laughter I think is never intended to be harmful or inappropriate in meetings. However, it is an important reminder to me today because even though there may be good intentions, it can be ill received.
((((Atheos)))) such a very good post on your ESH and growth. The responses mean it was important to others also...newbie and oldie. "- things aren't always what they seem!" such a great reminder.
Great post . There's much to be learned about "perceptions". Ours and someone else's can be totally two different things. The problem is we assume we know their thoughts and sometimes are offended. It's kind of like that thing in the movies where a psychiatrist holds up a black and white blob of a picture. Each person sees something different. Everyone comes from a different place in life and we just can't know how other people see or internalize things.
Kristi,
Those types of posts used to ruffle my feathers too. I just remind myself that it is the poster's perception of truth. I'm sure I am just as convinced of my truth.
Christy
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
its a great post. its all about perception and good for you to "clear the air". the after meetings are very helpful that way. feeling criticized or judged triggers all sorts of reactions anger mostly? Higher Power is a personal thing and whatever works for us is whats important.
. There's much to be learned about "perceptions". Ours and someone else's can be totally two different things. The problem is we assume we know their thoughts and sometimes are offended. It's kind of like that thing in the movies where a psychiatrist holds up a black and white blob of a picture. Each person sees something different. Everyone comes from a different place in life and we just can't know how other people see or internalize things.