I wanted to write something that was more positive than negative, as alot of my posts have been. So, I figured I'd share my day yesterday.

I had planned to take the day and enjoy it. To do whatever I wanted to do to be happy. I got a phone call from my husband telling me he would be in town and at his parents, whom were cooking out in the lovely weather. So I went. It was a very relaxing day. Just being able to sit and watch the race and knit. We had a fabulous meal!!!! Nothing extraordinary, just hamburgers, hot dogs, corn on the cob, potatoes and onions, and canteloup. It was one of the best meals I've had in a week or so, although I haven't had much food really at all this week. Burdens of being sick and poor. I got to enjoy the company of my in-laws (that I adore) and my husband (who is my best friend.) I tried some cheese my husband bought from the country market (a spicy cheddar.) This really meant something to me. I'm a pretty picky eater, although every once in a while I am able to open myself up to trying new things. Usually if I know it's spicy I won't try it....but I did. It really made me feel good to just open up and try something without a plan, without knowing, without weighing the pros and cons. It may be a small step, but for me it was big. It was good cheese, not the BEST, but I'm still glad I tried it.

I also decided to talk with God before bed. I have prayed before, where you say the standard prayers, or I"ll pray for help when I feel that I'm beyond help. This wasn't like that. This was just talking. Just saying thanks for the great things of the day and the good that I do have in my hectic life. It felt good. It really makes me look forward to going to the pow wow come labor day. My husband is part native american and so I have some what adopted his beliefs as they make sense to me and feel right, although I do still identify also as being budhist. To me all HP are the same. I think that may be part of what turned me off to al-anon at first. I was so afraid that it was heavily religion based....but from so many of the posts on here I see people really identify that HP is God as -I- know it. It makes me feel good. To know that people have their own beliefs and can benefit from them, but yet be open minded enough to not push it on anybody else.  But anyways, the pow wow is like "church" of sorts. Just where I can fill up my cup so to speak with spirtiuality.

I think that maybe in the past it was not completely right to only pray when I wanted something in return, but to also pray and talk when I needed nothing at all. Although my HP will listen at all times, for my own spirituality I think talking on a regular basis, like ANY relationship, is important. So, I'm also talking to all of you, as you are all now part of a relationship with my al-anon family, and letting you know, I'M OK. Today may not go as well as yesterday and maybe filled with stress, but that's ok. Because for now I can go back and sleep in my bed and relax. I can find something, anything good about the day, and I have the memories of yesterday to make me smile.