The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have a AH son who is 27 for 12 years now I have bailed him out. Picked him up in the middle of the night. Sat in ICU after he overdosed on pills a attempted suicide. I do not know what to do anymore to help him. When he is sober he is a good person, a hard worker. Well his girlfriend of 2 years left him and he is on a drinking binge, and talking about killing himself again. I am going to just go crazy . I love him so much. He will not talk to me because for the first time in his life I did not bail him out, I let him set in detox. He called me tonight and told me he loved me and hung up on me. He is with my brother inlaw and he said he is sleeping now, but of coarse I am not because i am afraid he took too many pills again. This is all brought on by his drinking. Please I need advice
Aloha Mama...Good that you found us and have reached the turning point for yourself. My alcoholic addict, the main one that got me into the search for Al-Anon was my former wife and I also reach that statement "I just don't know what to do anymore". Like yourself hear I also blindly reached out for help and found Al-Anon and the face to face meetings of Central Valley CA. I was done and considering my own suicide at that time and it didn't happen. Instead of ending my life I ended how I was living my life. I changed my thinking, feeling, behaviors and spirit...not all on one night of course. I've been around a while - on borrowed time. I learned a slogan in early recovery from an early sponsor. "when in doubt (about what to do/decide) Don't!!" Don't do anything, Don't react...Let go and Let God. It wasn't hard to remember because my sponsor's name was Don T. God likes to keep it simple for my lessons.
It's good you found your way here. Go to the white pages of your local telephone book and look up the hotline number for Al-Anon and call to get the times and places we meet to love and support each other. It's important and one reason is because we don't get much love and support from the disease. (((((hugs)))))
I too am the Mother of an A and this board, and Al-anon meetings, have saved my sanity. I, like you, tried everything but in the end I was the one who hit bottom first.
Fear makes it hard for us to detach and the very nature of being a Mother makes us want to protect at all costs....but this also stops the A from fully owning their disease, we are taking all the punches while they have a soft place to land. Something had to change and I came to realise it could only be me. One of the Al-anon sayings is 'let it begin with me'.....and so it does.........in turning the focus on ourselves our own recovery begins....and things begin to change.....for the better, whether the A is drinking or not
I entertain nothing to do with the disease, I have boundaries to protect myself...my son is currently drinking so I don't see him but maintain sporadic contact by phone. He knows he's loved, and he loves us but as is often said if love could fix them there would be no addicts in the world.
His disease is his and his alone.
Glad to see you here, this board is great and I urge you.... if you can, please find your way to an Al-anon meeting where you will find much love, understanding, experience, strength and hope.
Thank you for taking the time to talk to me. I am just at my wits end. My son does not understand what he is doing to the family. I realize he has a illness and he is not hurting us on pupose. I will go to my first meeting tonight. Thank you for responding,it made me fell better.
Your realization that he has a disease and is not intentionally hurting others is an excellent starting point. Many Al-Anon members in groups I attend have young adult children who are addicted to drugs and/or alcohol.
Al-Anon has so much to offer us. I hope your first meeting goes very well.
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Aloha Mama...again "My son does not understand what he is doing to the family." I use to also use this thought with my ex-wives and my alcoholic/addict son and others only I found out it wasn't true...They are not dumb. At times they might be numb but dumb no! They can see, hear, feel, figure out and have all the tools and God given assets that I did and because of that we stepped up to a more lofty level of responsibility.
If you also go to some open AA meetings they will let you know how much they really know and realize but won't mention and work with. It's the nature of the chemical and the disease....cunning - powerful - and baffling.
AA also has a 4th to 9th step...he'll have to get there first and there's no guarantees he'll want to talk about the damage his disease has been doing to others.
Recover is a God thingy...spiritual and we have to want it. ((((hugs))))
You say you feel your son doesn't know what he is doing to your family......I know from my own experience that my son is only too well aware of the impact his actions have on those people places and things around him and he hates himself for it. I try to show him love & compassion ...he has no love or compassion for himself. It's not easy & at times compassion is out the window!............ but Al-anon is a programme of progress not perfection, thank goodness.
I'm glad you have the resource of a meeting close to you, please let us know how it goes for you.
