Should I be concerned? - Al-Anon Family Group

Faith56 · Newbie

Should I be concerned?

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Faith Welcome to MIP

Alcoholism is a cunning, baffling, progressive disease. You did not cause it, cannot control it and cannot cure it. If your husband is concerned about his drinking, it would be advantageous for him to viist an AA meeting and talk to the members about :

"How it was" and the check list to determine if you are an alcoholic.

You on the other hand are concerned about his drinking, so you definately belong here and at alanon face to face meetings . Help with finding local meetings near where you live may be found at the following web site:http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html Or call: 1-888-4alanon

We learn here and at meetings to take the focus off the alcoholic and put it on ourselves e attempt to live one day at a time, with courage serenitu and iwsdom. We work the 12 Steps from AA and attempt ot grow spiritually.

You are worth investing your time and energy in this program so please keep coming back

-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 27th of June 2011 12:46:45 PM

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Faith...Welcome to the board. Hot Rod gave you some sound suggestion from her experiences. I have similar experience and so I know that works also. Not to deny or belittle what you think and feel my perception regarding alcoholic drinking changed from "not a big deal" to "the largest abusive event of my life" It is a progressive disease and not only does the drinking increase and get worse but my reaction to it did also. I suggest you find the moxie to come join us in the face to face meetings in your area very soon. Hot Rod dropped a link to the meetings in your area/town and you can also look in the white pages of your local telephone book for the hotline number.

If you talk to a sober practicing member of Alcoholics Anonymous most or very many of them will tell you that sober is supposed to be our "normal" condition mind, body, spirit and emotions. Your alcoholic husband has been chemical free for a long time before relapsing so he's dealing with his current drinking and the sober time he had back then which is maddening and fearful. He isn't causing it, cannot control it and it won't be cured. He can only arrested it by total abstinence and has got to want that again for himself more than he wants the next drink. He has a compulsion of the mind and an allergy of the body. It's not about being a good person or husband or the like. Alcoholism is a fatal disease and that is only one of the reasons you and his doctors want him to stop while alcohol runs the show.

Come to the face to face meeting rooms and find your chair. We already have one there for you. Sit down, listen, learn, read (get into the tons of literature in the meetings) get names and numbers and do this as we do it one day at a time. Next time you pray to your HP...God as Faith56 understands God...ask, "please help me" and then listen and let yourself be led.

Keep coming back here cause this is where miracles start. ((((hugs)))) smile

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Faith 56 & Welcome!

I found Al-Anon just 4 months ago and since then my world has been changing for the better.

I was sooooooooooooooo late for my first meeting! I was married for 36 years, and I have been divorced for a year. But I finally showed up and want to shout from the rooftops, "The Program Works if You Work It!

One of the many beauties of the program is that you can "take what you want and leave the rest." No one preaches to you! No one tells you what you should do! What you get there is so much love and understanding. You also get others' experience, strength and hope.

Yep, I divorced and then went to Al-Anon because I had so much emotional baggage from our marriage and divorce that I couldn't hide from it any longer.

I seem to do things a little out of order at times. I blame it on my left-handedness

I wonder what our lives would be like today IF I had gone to Al-Anon years ago when it was suggested. But I don't spend too much time in Wonderland - because I want to make the best of today.

-- Edited by GailMichelle on Monday 27th of June 2011 10:23:56 AM

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome and glad you have found us.

My experience is that drinking, drunkenness and the pull it creates tend to get normalized, definitely in the alcoholic's mind and usually in the family's mind. I've seen many, many people who tolerated bizarre behavior because they had lost perspective, but I haven't yet seen anyone who made too big a deal out of drunken behavior.

If you had a guest staying in your house and they behaved as your husband is doing -- sneaking out to drink, leaving bottles in hidden places, and all that, would you accept that as normal? That's one question that might help.

My alcoholic husband had all kinds of reasons he claimed he wasn't a "real" alcoholic. He kept on making as much money as before he lost control. He never showed up late for things. To listen to him, the only people who were "real" alcoholics were old men living under bridges. He wasn't old and wasn't living under a bridge and therefore it didn't count. Also the impact and weirdness of trying to talk to someone who slurred his words, staggered around, fell asleep in the middle of dinner -- that he always put down to "my ridiculous sensitivity." Basically asking an alcoholic whether his behavior is normal is like asking an insane person whether he's insane. The very insanity itself makes him unable to judge.

Hugs. Take care of yourself and keep coming back.

Faith56 · Newbie

Thank you all so much for your time to respond. I have looked up a meeting time near me and I plan to go.

I was so hoping that he would start back in on not drinking today. I did a lot of reading and praying last night and vowed I would not bug him, just love him and the day started out pretty good, but when he got home in the evening I could tell by the way he talked that he had been drinking. It just rips at my insides and makes me feel sick. It's so hard to not just cry because it's sooooo good when he's off the stuff.

We are to leave on a trip with some friends soon and I am scared that he will ruin the trip. With his liver problems and he is also on a number of anti depressants, the drinks react worse on him than normal. I want to just scream at him and say, why are you spending money on something that is reversing an illness that your are buying medication for?? It doesn't make sense and he is very smart, professional, intelligent person.

I'm really looking forward to help and your answers have started me there. I just hope he doesn't kill himself before he takes action to stop.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.