The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, I did not make the Sunday meeting, did not make my regular Tuesday meeting. I did make the Thursday f2f meeting though. I'm very glad I did wonderful people, small intimate group. I still am without a sponsor that's ok because I am still doing the work. I figure that is what will count down the road is making progress. Maybe I just go ahead right now and go back into therapy to do work I get stuck on. Plus I have the intent of making the Sunday meeting and AH made things easier by suggesting we have sandwiches for dinner tomorrow night .. woo hoo I'm all about easy!
We went to saturday night service and it was amazing. The funniest thing is that the pastor gave his sermon and I heard Alanon. It was just funny listening to him speak. He's a great speaker. I have missed going a lot and it's going to be a priority. Something he read off the cuff was Philippians 2:1 - 3 and I think I will have to look at that again. I really liked what it said.
I'm still feeling frustrated with myself, as far as the whole standoffish stuff. This is how bad I am, we have belonged to this church as a member for 6 years. I go into the sanctuary and the usher will ask if I'm new at the church. LOL. I know I have that vibe and I get so mad at myself for standing back when I know I need to take a step forward. It's not that it's hard to do, one foot in front of the other and go, it's the hesitation to take the risk. It's kind of weird I can deal with a lot of crap from other people, as well as from myself, the rejection is what equals shame for me. That hurts worse than anything else emotionally to me. Love me, hate me, just please don't reject me.
Maybe this week I can get brave enough to pick up the phone and call someone. One step at a time, one day at a time.
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Good for you. It feels good when we take part in our own recovery. I am confident you will find a sponsor. It is all about timing. Your HP will guide you to the right person at the perfect time. Church attendance is also good for our spiritual development. You are on the right track. In terms of rejection, it is impossible to avoid. I learned in Alanon that rejection is God's protection. That is something that we all experience at some point in this life. Sometimes people aren't even aware they are rejecting us. It is our reaction to them and/or the things they do that make us feel rejected. Keep going to meetings, read Alanon Approved Literatures, and continue reading the posts on this forum. This is a one day at a time program. We make progress each day. Proud of you and send you hugs.
You are on the right track. We are here for you in love and support. That first phone call was hard for me too. But I am so glad I did it. It was one of the best choices I have made in my life.
