The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have previosly had an addiction to alcholhol, i have been sober for almost 4 years, and recently one of my sons friends had been coming over and asked me to be friend his mother. Well with doing this we found ourselves together everyday all day. I watched her for 2 months drinking till drunk everyday, trying to help her and lead her in gods way, finally after 3 different detox trips and admission for impatient rehab she has been sober for 25 days, she is now in outpatient and i have had only one phone call from her. i am sad confussed and want her to return my calls, is this normal? Will I ever hear from her again? It tears my heart, however her son is still coming over and still cares and thanks me. Do I waite or move on?
I'm not an alcoholic, so I have no personal knowledge. My AH has been sober for about 2.5 years now, and he didn't go to rehab when he got sober. He went to rehab several times in the two years before he got sober this time, and one of the times he stayed sober for 5 months. Both the 5 month and the 2.5 year periods were rough at first. He had to go to meetings multiple times a day, spend time with program friends, call his sponsor multiple times a day, etc. This left very little free time - which I have no doubt is one of the reasons he stayed sober. The first substantial chunk of sobriety he got, I took it personally that all his time was spent trying to stay sober. I didn't understand how hard that was - for me, I can't understand because I've never experienced a physical craving. I know that when I stopped a bunch of my crazy insane behavior, I had to find other healthy ways to fill up the time - get busy so that I didn't have time to fall back into my own ways. WHen I got busy, I got better.
Newly sober alcoholics are just trying to get off the insanity train and keep from getting back on. In my opinion, we can't take anything they do or not do personally. Just staying sober is as much as most of them can manage.
In the meantime, you may find alanon meetings beneficial for yourself, if you have been troubled by her drinking or her behavior. That's all you need to qualify - in the rooms of alanon I learned to refocus my attention on my own life and health.
Welcome to this forum! You will find lots of recovery here. There is no reason to feel alone. You have a virtual family and there is a lot of love and compassion here too. I can relate to the pain and frustration. I'm still dealing with an active drinker. It sucks. However, through Alanon I've learned to put myself first. I stay out of his business. I have manage to set healthy boundaries. I stay connected to Alanon and fellowship with other members as much as possible. Keep coming back. The program works!
I would consider as others have suggested attending alanon. For me it was the perfect place to take the focus off of the alcoholic whether they were in recovery or not and put the focus right back on me. I sense the sadness and disappointment in your post. We in alanon understand how you feel perhaps as few others could.
Think about a face to face meeting. Alanon taught me how to take the next right action, put one foot in front of the other and work on my recovery. Everything else will fall into place.
Any illness needs time for recovery. It takes a long time for the mind to recover and time to sort things out. It took a while for her to stop drinking and it had to be done at her own pace. To stop drinking is only a prerequisite to recovery.
It sure sounds like you were an amazing help but maybe it is time to "let go and let God". There are plenty of people at Alanon and AA meetings that can benefit from your experience and kindness.
