The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm off for the summer, the kids are home too, it's Saturday and AW in recovery has been all worked up and stressed "because everyone is home." Last summer when we were home it was just me and the kids most of the time because my wife was in her first 30 days of sobriety and out of her mind, attending meetings up to three times a day, and just trying to stay sober. The kids and I did all the usual summer things that we would do as a family except my wife was not around and she hadn't been around in a long time because of the addictions. I remember a year ago when I was thinking about filing for divorce a lot of my alanon friends told me to give it a year. I have given it a year and things are much better but I had hoped that our relationship would have repaired more than it has. This morning she had announced that she wanted to attend a 7:15pm AA speaker meeting tonight or a 9:30pm 11th step meditation meeting and wanted to know which one I preferred she go to. I told her that I was hoping that she could go to an early afternoon meeting and we could have family time and then maybe she and I could watch a movie after the kiddos were in bed. My wife pretty much still needs a meeting every day and I know that the kids being home and just being normal kids is something that sort of pushes her over the edge sometimes. She said it wasn't possible with what she had going on today and after looking at what all we do have to go do today I have to agree, if she is going to attend a meeting it will have to be one of the two that she is mentioned.
I attend two f2f meetings a week and when I came home from my meeting last night my wife somewhat accusingly asked if I had said something to my six year old son about her being gone most of the day at AA, yoga, and grocery shopping. I hadn't said a thing but apparently my son said something about it not being right that she is gone so much. I know that really got to her hard because I know that she does have a lot of guilt about the past.
I'm trying to be understanding, trying to focus on myself, trying to be grateful for all the wonderful things I should be grateful for. I'm actually beginning to get a lot of people from my f2f meetings calling me for help and a dose of E.S.H. I feel I'm pretty good at helping people to bring the focus back to themselves and their program, but sometimes I start laughing at myself because I can give great advice that I am just not very skilled at employing in my own life.
Right now I'm trying to accept that I am lonely today and and that we are in an adjustment that is just going to take longer than what I had thought. I need to figure out what I am going to do about it because my first inclination is to try and make my wife feel like shit about it and I know that that is not going to get us anywhere. I thoughtfully and honestly told her that I wished that we had more time for each other and she heard me. There's nothing else for me to say to her. I guess it's time for me to just get moving, go play, go do something, get busy.
I really enjoyed reading your well-written post. It reflects a program that is working!
I hope that someday, and soon, you will post to tell us that you're not as lonely. Acceptance of what is appears to be the key. But it can be so dang hard for us.
Al-Anon has helped me accept a lot of situations in my life. I can't say that acceptance has made me happy, but I have felt a peace. It also frees me up to carve out a life for myself, regardless of what my A and other loved ones decide to do with their lives.
Acceptance is liberating if you allow it.
You're doing quite well........ keep on your path. :)
__________________
You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Glad to hear the good news. I can see the miracle of the program working in your life. I am so happy that you waited before making any drastic decisions. I know how you feel and have experienced that lonely feeling too. When my husband was in rehab, it was tough for us all. We missed him but not the alcohol nor the behaviour that comes with drinking. However, it was peaceful and serene around the house. We all needed that too. When he returned home he was irritable and explosive. I did not like his attitude during his sober period. I just kept myself busy and left him alone. He relapsed again and has not found sobriety. Wishing the best for you and your family. This program works. I've seen successful marriages over the years. Nothing is impossible.
It is so awesome that she is in recovery now, and that she is working hard, as I am sure you are working hard. I just wanted to say, great share, and you are right, when we get busy, we stop dwelling and get better. Take care of you!
__________________
-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
