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Since school has been out I have really enjoyed seeing my grandkids more. But summer also means ah drinking almost daily. I have a boundary that if he picks up a drink I am done for the day. I refuse to be around him period. Start new the next day.(only way to protect myself from his verbal attacks) . Works 80% of the time. My problem is my grandkids ( i have 12 ages 1 to 13)are always asking to stay the night and of course I never know if it's going to be a sober or drunk night. I find myself making excuses and just doing things with them that keep us out of the house like the park, or movie, or shopping then taking them back to their house. I hate that life is like this. Am I being over protective? He has never said anything mean to them, he keeps his comments for me, he just makes lots of promises and plans that will never happen. Then the next day I have very disappointed children while ah is off with his friends drinking again leaving me to try and Explain the broken plans and promises. What's the best way to handle this? I feel like I let them down by not letting them stay with me but I don't want them to be around their peepaw (ah) when he's drunk. But I really feel bad not being with them, they give my life purpose. My life with ah is very, very lonely.
It's a hard decision to make. *hugs* i don't know that there is any "right" one. Ultimately you need to do what is in the best interest for your grandkids. I, and nobody else, probably knows what that is. Maybe you could try staying the night at your grandkid's house...give your children a "night off" and you can stay the night. I don't know how old you are or what kind of health you're in, but maybe camping? You deserve to have joy and to see your grandkids, and your grandkids deserve to not feel like their promises are being broken. They also don't deserve to see you being put down by someone they look up to. I hope you find the answers you are looking for! And we're here for you!
First I want to say how admirable it is that you want to be with your grandkids like you do. Your children are very lucky. If you were my Mom, or Mom in law, I would love it if you came to me and said that you want as much time with your grandkids as possible and would love to do sleepovers with them. IF I was asked if would it be ok to do them at my house so that it eliminates the issue of ah's drinking problem, I would LOVE the fact that you have the kids best interests at heart. I personally would not find that overprotective, but incredibly loving.
That's a tough one. I do know that if my son's granddad were an alcoholic, I wouldn't feel comfortable letting my son stay the night at his place. Alcoholics are just too unpredictable: getting worked up over something, or slurring their words, or sleeping at odd hours or in places they shouldn't, or peeing where they're not supposed to. It's scary for a kid. (And for a grown-up.) And kids shouldn't grow up thinking that's normal. When they grow up, if they find themselves thinking about dating an alcoholic, I wouldn't like them to think, "Sure, that's how it was when I was growing up, this feels familiar -- I'll just plunge right in!" I want my son to keep a safe safe distance from alcoholism. So to me your thoughts about how to protect your grandkids are just what I would want in a grandma.
I hope you can find other good ways to spend time with the grandkids. They're lucky to have you!
